8.10.2008

Swing Vote: Political Nuttiness Gone Sour

I don't understand why the forces behind Swing Vote chose to saddle their film with a "hero" like Bud Johnson (Kevin Costner) and cast off any hope of becoming a clever political satire. Rather than dish out some much-deserved digs at the U.S. political campaign machine, director Joshua Michael Stern instead felt content to focus on the "redemption" of swing voter Bud, a wholly undeserving character.

When the two major presidential candidates discover that Bud possesses the deciding vote between each of them, they flub their brains trying to win over the unemployed, barely educated, NASCAR-loving alcoholic. Kelsey Grammar as the incumbent President tries to distill the election process into a complicated football analogy of which he is the star player. Democratic candidate Don Greenleaf (Dennis Hopper) knocks himself on his backside shooting a hunting rifle to prove he's a Regular Joe. But the candidates' efforts -- and Swing Vote's attempts at satire -- are in vain because Bud is too dumb, drunk, and willfully ignorant to function, let alone choose the next leader of the free world.

Swing Vote is at its sharpest when Bud's unlikely authority is used to wipe away the endless political posturing and "justificating" to reveal the blatant pandering underneath. The candidates flip flop on the gravest issues like immigration and abortion, each invoking the time-honored political cry that he "can't do any good if he doesn't win." The candidates' over-the-top commercials reveal the shallowness of that argument.

After these shots over the bow, mysteriously, sadly, we are stuck again with Bud's story of redemption. Except so much is made of Bud's ignorance, disdain for education, and lackluster parenting skills -- all of which are clothed in the sheer guise of humorous quirks -- that it would feel out of character if Bud showed the initiative to begin flossing.

I was mildly entertained when I first saw Swing Vote. The Daily Show and The Colbert Report proved that contemporary politics are ripe for the poking, and Swing Vote does make an obligatory poke or two. But Bud Johnson gets the lion's share of attention, and his lone saving grace, his love for his young daughter, is rarely sufficient to wake him out of a drunken stupor. Swing Vote might raise a chuckle at the U.S. political machine, but the thought of a Bud Johnson directing America's future is almost too frightening to consider.

7.24.2008

2008 Summer Movie Extravaganza Part III

Part III of the Extravaganza continues. Read up on Part I and II to catch up, slowpoke.

WALL-E


The Good: The tale of a lonely robot's galaxy-wide quest for his true love (and incidentally, humanity's lone chance at survival) upholds Pixar's well-deserved reputation for jaw-dropping visuals and touching revelations.

The Bad:
Youngsters won't notice the irony of a Disney film's anti-consumerism message, but it may irk adults... until they find out that WALL-E has been in development since Pixar was independent.

The Delicious:
How WALL-E's cockroach companion never lets a pounding keep him down.

Wanted

The Good:
James McAvoy makes a convincing yuppie-turned-assassin and mows down enemies while looking almost as good as Angelina Jolie.

The Bad: All the kids who'll now think their panic attacks means they can jump fifty yards across rooftops.

The Delicious:
When McAvoy reaps bloody vengeance on a building filled with master assassins.

Hancock

The Good:
Hancock's decision to hire a PR guy to change his image as a drunken, belligerent superhero is the kind of intelligent almost-breaking-the-fourth-wall-but-not-quite plot device that make film and comic geeks smile.

The Bad:
Charlize Theron's entire story arc belonged in a different, more serious movie.

The Delicious:
After Hancock stops a speeding train from killing a bystander, the surrounding mob criticizes his technique.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

The Good:
Wisecracks. Check. Creepy villains. Check. Visuals straight out of a Guillermo Del Toro's movie. Check.

The Bad:
I love Selma Blair, but she was wrong for Liz Sherman in the first Hellboy film and nothing's changed for the second.

The Delicious:
That Prince Nuada sure knows how to fight.

The Dark Knight

The Good:
Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker has the fascinating, disturbing quality of picking a hideous scab -- you can't look away.


The Bad:
Some of the schemes are needlessly complicated. You'll ask yourself afterwards, "why didn't they just __?

The Delicious:
The Joker's "experiments" are common comic book fodder, but for once they look and feel realistic and tense as hell.

Journey to the Center of the Earth

The Good:
The concept of traveling deep inside the Earth is as cool now as it was back in 1959 when the original film came out.

The Bad:
Besides a floating rock sequence there aren't too many genuinely exciting moments.

The Delicious:
It takes balls to disregard physics and the laws of nature so completely.

You want to know who else has balls? The other Large Association of Movie Blogs members. They've got the balls to stuff your face with huge, ripe movie nuggets.

7.21.2008

2008 Summer Movie Extravaganza Part II

Last week I laid out the Good, the Bad, and the Delicious for summer movies from May. Now I turn my critical squint on some more summer films of June.

Kung Fu Panda


The Good: This lighthearted tale of a young panda (voiced by Jack Black) who must slip his bulk into the role of defender against a twisted tiger warrior lays out some meaty martial arts sequences.

The Bad: Virtually no double entendres for the adults.

The Delicious: The opening scene features an edgy style of animation that hopefully pops up in other productions.

Mongol

The Good: Fascinating look into Mongolian way of life as seen through the eyes of young Temudjin, who would become known as Gengis Khan.

The Bad: Stark, beautiful landscapes impart the scenes with epic grandeur but the film's events are surprisingly limited in scope. Of course, expected future installments should fix that.

The Delicious: Rubbing your hands whenever somebody messes with the young Khan and thinking, "Oh, he is going to regret THAT."

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

The Good:
Exudes the happily dumb energy that's been missing from Adam Sandler's previous projects. Contributions from Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow probably deserve the credit.

The Bad: For a film that has a running gag about the lead character's bushel of pubic hair, Zohan is more good-natured than funny.

The Delicious: Watching Nick Swardson come to terms with Zohan "shtupping" his mom. And yes, I had to look that one up.

The Incredible Hulk

The Good: This lighter take on the Green One (compared to Ang Lee's 2003 Hulk) makes its brutal fights more realistic while limiting the emotional baggage to Iron Man's level.

The Bad: Tim Roth's pudgy appearance prior to his transformation from an over-the-hill soldier to genetically-modified killing machine is absurd for an elite commando.

The Delicious:
The Hulk's appearance makes Bruce Banner an outcast in society, but, more importantly, the Hulk stops him from freaking on Liv Tyler.


Get Smart

The Good: Steve Carrell's Maxwell Smart is smarter than the Max of old, but sports a timeless klutziness that would make Don Adams proud.

The Bad: In between hilarious scenes like the airplane jump and the ballroom dance are lengthy periods with few gags worthy of a chuckle.

The Delicious: Watching Max talk down an enemy agent with empathy and a shared love of Ryan Seacrest radio.

Check back for the third and final part in my 2008 Summer Movie Extravaganza and head over to the Large Association of Move Blogs to check out more movie madness.

7.15.2008

2008 Summer Movie Extravaganza

Ever see that martial arts anime Dragonball where the characters charge up their powers all the time and every fourth episode is reserved for, you know, actually fighting? That's how my summer's been so far. Watching movies, charging up. Watching more movies, charging up some more. But now it's time to fight, and by fight I mean lay out the Good, the Bad, and the Delicious for 2008's summer movies.

(And in case you hadn't heard, they're also making Dragonball into a movie. Go figure.)

Fist up, the May movies:


The Good: Robert Downey Jr. was born to play the wisecracking, billionaire playboy genius who fights crime in a mechanized suit of armor.

The Bad: My inner pyro would've enjoyed a few more explosions.

The Delicious:
The way Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepperidge Potts helps Downey Jr. fix up his suit's power source by digging her hand through his mucus-y chest cavity.

Speed Racer

The Good: Of the film's three races, the second, which is the most entertaining, feels like a cross between the Twisted Metal video game franchise and the Cruisin' World arcade game. All three races are possible epileptic attacks in waiting, but the other two races are too confusing to be half as entertaining.

The Bad: The tired plot. It made me nap until my next seizure.

The Delicious: Roger Allam as the oily Mr. Royalton.

What Happens in Vegas

The Good: Virtually painless romantic comedy with likable leads and cute story.

The Bad:
Virtually painless romantic comedy that's as riveting as those What Happens in Vegas ads.

The Delicious: The hilarious banter of sidekicks Lake Bell and Rob Corddry.

Redbelt

The Good: Director David Mamet's latest film follows his tried and true "everything falls apart around an innocent dude" theme but this time the innocent dude is a badass martial arts instructor.

The Bad:
Not much actual martial arts.

The Delicious:
The denouement doesn't make much sense, but righteous ass kicking can be very satisfying to watch.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

The Good: Graphic fairy tale battles make the adventures of adolescent Brits much darker and much more palatable for adults.

The Bad: Ben Barnes is British, so I can understand the need to change Prince Caspian's accent. But why did he have to choose one that sounds like he's talking with underwear stuffed in his mouth -- and dirty underwear at that?

The Delicious:
Judging the sexual tension between Prince Caspian and High King Peter.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The Good: Harrison Ford still has the physique and the charm to pull off a fedora.

The Bad: Unfortunately, everything else is a drop off from previous films as the Russkies stand in for the Nazis and a hokey crystal skull replaces the holy grail.

The Delicious: Shia LeBeouf's greaser character is too lightweight to carry on the Indy torch, as Spielberg has hinted is possible, but Shia's charismatic enough to put his own spin on the franchise.

Next up are the June and July summer movie breakdowns. Visit the Large Association of Movie Blogs for more movie potpourri but without the woodsy aromas.

6.17.2008

A Quick Laugh

The last several weeks have seen me devour movies, both new and old, the same way Homer Simpson eats donuts. I think my brain is about as full as Homer's gut too.

I'll be writing plenty of thoughts and reviews, but I felt like priming the pump with a skit by the comedy troupe Human Giant that tore me up.

5.26.2008

Great Moments in Indiana Jones History

Hana, Maui, which is where I spent most of this past week, boasts an other-worldly bamboo forest, breathtaking nude beaches, and internet access as reliable as a dead cat. At least that's my excuse for skimping on Indiana Jones posts when the Fedora-ed One is kind of a big deal around here and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull debuted in theaters last Thursday.

It should come as no surprise that a town without wireless signals or sports bars (no NBA Western Conference Finals!) also didn't have a theater. So consider me doubly guilty for not having even seen the latest Indy film. I'll be correcting that unfortunate oversight in a matter of hours, but before I go, I'd like to share a few sparkling moments from the previous Indiana Jones films with you all.


The Showdown - According to rumor, which I believe in this case, Harrison Ford wasn't feeling up to filming a lengthy fight with the swordsman in Raiders of the Ark. Rather than attempting the demanding stunt sequences, he instead suggested shooting this alternate version (pun intended).



The Hitler Autograph - Previously in this scene, Indy confronted Dr. Elsa Schneider for the Grail Diary in The Last Crusade and their dark exchange of threats lays a beautiful setting for this unexpected turn of events.



The Truck Chase - Spielberg outdid himself in choreographing a chase scene from Raiders that blended thrilling action with equal parts humor and violence. Only in an Indiana Jones movie can a guy get squashed by the protagonist and the audience chuckles at his death. His being a Nazi probably helps too.


Head for the Fireplace! - It's obvious that my favorite scenes brim with humor and this brief clip from The Last Crusade is no exception. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the entire scene but even these few seconds detail the natural chemistry between Harrison Ford and "dear old dad" Sean Connery.

I could go on and on but I'd like to hear which are your favorite scenes from the Indiana Jones series?

And for more great moments in cinema history, check out the movie blogs over at The Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) for more humor and violence.

5.17.2008

Plot Farming

Don't forget to partake in the absurdly refreshing pastime that is poll-voting over at the Large Association of Movie Blogs. Piper, of Lazy Eye Theater fame, recently hosted another installment in the Plot Farm contest where wannabe plot-ists, such as myself, wrote up a dazzling new storyline using a series of random words and phrases. My entry focuses on a lost monkey spreading a highly arousing perfume across the nation -- think Outbreak but with an epidemic of dry humping.

Do not fight the horny monkey; just obey its wishes and vote for the best plot -- mine!

5.16.2008

Three Reasons You Might Enjoy What Happens in Vegas (Seriously)

One day every year I try to be a good son, which is how I found myself sitting in What Happens in Vegas on Mother’s Day. While I never expected to see the film, I wasn’t surprised to see a herd of couples in the theater grazing on milk duds and licorice (this was a “date movie” if I ever saw one). However, for a film banking on the sex appeal of two young hotties (Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz, who are forced to endure a sham marriage to split 3 mil in Vegas winnings), the audience was unusually… well seasoned. Even during the previews I could still make out the tap tap of white nursing shoes and the rustling of hairy knuckles reaching for popcorn.

This is an awful poster. I promise the film contains fewer expressions of douchebaggery

My geriatric peeps got pretty rowdy once the film began and, surprisingly enough, I laughed just as much because What Happens in Vegas wasn’t half bad. Low expectations may have fueled some of my enjoyment but the film deserves at least a couple bars of kudos.

Here then are a few reasons you too might enjoy What Happens in Vegas.

Kelso stars in Vegas in spirit only

Ashton Kutcher"That 70s Show" ended with a whimper a couple of years ago, but during its heyday the sitcom mined plenty of laughs from its I-wish-I-were-that-clever teenage snarkfest and, more often than not, Kutcher’s gray matter-challenged Michael Kelso was on the receiving end of the snarking (burned!). In Vegas, Ashton takes a Kelso-like character to the big screen, albeit an older and (slightly) more intelligent version – a Kelso 2.0 if you will. Kutcher makes the transition work by restraining his penchant for overacting and lets the steady stream of amusing (if not hilarious) scenes do the heavy lifting.

Sidekicks done right
Rob Corddry was atrocious in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, forced to push a one-laugh gag (if that) as an idiotic government agent to nearly half an hour of screen time (or maybe it just felt that way). This time Corddry plays Ashton Kutcher’s lawyer friend who bears a gratifying resemblance to his obtuse and playfully combative Daily Show correspondent persona. Less is more for comedic sidekicks and Corddry stays scarce enough to keep his bald-headed brand of humor golden. Also, wait past the credits for Lake Bell’s best contribution to the film. You’ll know what I’m talking about.

Surprisingly Touching Moments – The script putters itself into the cringe-worthy practice of describing relationships in gambling terms (“I’m ready to bet on you”) but I give props to screenwriter Dana Fox for including believable “aha” moments where the main stars begin that gushy slide into mutual attraction. I don’t want to spoil any major developments (not that you won’t see everything coming) but the courtship is refreshingly chaste and gives more credibility to the budding romance than the average rom-com.

Plastic sofa covers are like bling for your living room

Whatever Happens in Vegas is an excellent “date movie” and also, apparently, an awesome break from shopping for plastic sofa covers. But even if you don’t fit into those categories you now have three reasons to check it out. And now for my obligatory shout-out for the Large Association of Movie Blogs, where movie-goers both young and decrepit are always welcome.

5.11.2008

My Mom's Ten Word Movie Review: Made of Honor

My mom went to see Patrick Dempsey in Made of Honor the other day. I might have checked it out as well but I came down with a sudden case of masculinity.


Here's my mom's review:

"It satisfied my girlie movie fix."

And don't forget to satisfy your other movie needs at the Large Association of Movie Blogs.

5.08.2008

Discovering Downey Jr.: Beyond Iron Man

Now that Iron Man is a bonafide hit, Robert Downey Jr. looks set to make the figurative leap onto Hollywood's A-List. For those wanting to bone up on Junior's past films, here are a few movies I think show the actor at his neurotic, brilliant best. Your mileage may vary.

There's more to RD Jr. than creepy goatees and glowing palms

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - In my favorite film of the bunch, Downey seems to play himself if he were a small-time crook mistakenly cast as an actor in a crime drama and instructed to ride shotgun with a gay private detective (played by an appropriately smug Val Kilmer) to develop his character. Along the way, Downey's loveable screwup runs into an old flame whose sister's death prompts a real investigation that sizzles with neo-film noir style and whip smart dialogue.

Only You - I'm a sucker for (some) romantic comedies and Downey -- again playing himself, it seems -- falls hard for Marisa Tomei during an Italian rendezvous that flips the concept of soul mates on its head (Doesn't it sound like I'm writing an IMDB plot summary?). Expect the usual twists but the chemistry between the two leads is undeniable and makes for great fun that you can never admit to your friends (if you're a guy).

Chaplin - Downey takes a break from starring as himself to portray Charlie Chaplin in the film that garnered him an Oscar nod for Best Actor. He didn't win, but Chaplin remains Downey Jr.'s most critically acclaimed role to date.

Wonder Boys - Michael Douglas and Tobey Maguire take center stage in this comedic gem as a struggling English professor and his troubled star student but Robert Downey Jr. steals most of his scenes as the book editor who speaks and acts a lot like every other Downey character, which is to say, hilariously. And did I mention the film is based on Michael Chabon's book of the same name?

Did I miss any other Robert Downey Jr. films worth seeing? Leave your recommendations in the comments section.

And don't forget to check out the Large Association of Movie Blogs for your one-stop resource of movie blogs written by other guys who secretly like romantic comedies but aren't man enough to admit it.

5.04.2008

Ten Word Movie Reviews: The Forbidden Kingdom

I'm reintroducing a favorite segment of mine: Ten Word (or less) Movie Reviews.

The Jackie Chan and Jet Li martial arts vehicle The Forbidden Kingdom gets the first treatment with a round of family reviews.

From me:

"Karate Kid goes fantastical and contracts some epic yellow fever."

The father unit:

"Imagine Wizard of Oz with Jet Li and Jackie Chan."

And the maternal unit:

"It was ok. It wasn't the best."

Go ahead and add your own ten word (or less) movie review of The Forbidden Kingdom in the comments section. Also, head over to the Large Association of Movie Blogs for more sweaty movie review action.

4.21.2008

The 2008 LAMMYS

Yesterday, Fletch over at The Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) finally lifted the curtain from the mysterious project he's hinted at for the last three (!) weeks. And underneath? The 2008 LAMMYS -- Grammy-style awards for the best and... the best of the rest. Here's a dollop of the categories lifted directly from the LAMB site.

Proving you can still enter a competition without getting heckled by Tibetan protesters

Best Blog The self-explanatory big kahuna.

Best Theme
This could be anything, from a blog devoted solely to sound editing to a blog devoted to the work of Clint Howard.

Most Prolific Who makes you wonder how they sleep at night? Time to let them know their never-ending quest is worthwhile.

Best Use of Widgetology Anyone can place a number of widgets on their site, but the right mix and placement of widgets can turn a boring site into a great one. Who does it best?

Best Use of Technology (Alternative Media)
This award is for the person who thinks the best outside the literary box, from effective use of video to photo manipulation to...well, you name it.

Most Likely to Get Paid for Blogging
Our version of "Most Likely to Succeed."

This contest should be great fun for all current LAMB members but everyone else will have to drool from the outside like Tiny Tim slobbering from a window since nominations and voting are limited to those in the club. If you want to be included in future events then scoot your butt over to the Large Association of Movie Blogs and contact Fletch for the initiation rites.

4.11.2008

Suzanne Stone Maretto Needs Your Help! Again!

It's Round Two in the Sirens of the LAMBs contest wherein The Spoon's sponsored femme fatale, Suzanne Stone (To Die For), takes on Kyra (The Chronicles of Riddick).

Head over to the Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) for the full match up, but here's a quick preview: Suzanne ensnares Kyra in a shopping frenzy gone sexily lethal while Kyra invokes her inner survivor to outlast Suzanne.

Voting ends Saturday afternoon so make certain you go vote now before Suzanne Stone has to teach you a lesson.

The Rolling Stones star in Shine a Light

Halfway through Shine a Light a reporter sticks his microphone towards Mick Jagger's baby-smooth face and asks the singer if he can imagine performing on stage when he's sixty. Without a hint of humor or cockiness The Rolling Stone's frontman replies, "Easily."


Warning: Staring at Mick Jagger's hips may cause impure dreams

Martin Scorsese inserts many such news clips throughout footage from two of The Stones' performances in New York City's Beacon Theater in late 2006. The result can barely be called a documentary because of its superficial nature that rarely delves deeper than Jagger and the band's wrinkled surface but the film nonetheless succeeds as an energetic tribute to The Stones' endurance and remarkable showmanship.

I can admit that I didn't know much Rolling Stones history walking into the theater and upon leaving I didn't know much more; Shine a Light isn't that kind of movie.

Even calling Shine a Light a movie is a bit of a stretch. The tagline on the film's poster reads "Experience it in IMAX" and "experience" is a far more accurate description of the film. Scorsese mercifully avoids a "Behind the Music" story arc and focuses primarily on the Stones' Beacon Theater performance and for the most part this works just fine, especially if you've never seen the band live and, even if you have, I guarantee that you've never seen them this close before.


Keith Richards looks fabulous for a ninety-four year old guy. Too bad he's actually sixty-four

Jagger, Richards, Watts, and Wood burst off the screen thanks to endlessly creative camera angles and borderline-obscene clarity. The camera work is akin to watching a Stones' live performance on a front row chair sprinkled in fairy dust that can swoop and float across the stage. The level of definition is equally incredible; close ups of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards' faces will leave you swearing you've accidentally wandered into a recreation of the moon landing.

But looking great is only one part of the equation and, thankfully, The Stones justify Scorcese's interest and prove they can still bring the noise. The band is loud and exhilarating and Mick Jagger is, bar none, the best sixty-something stage performer out there. He might not have the same vocal strength he used to, but his ability to prance and sing without degenerating into Darth Vader huffing is nearly as superb as his obvious physical conditioning. The man is ripped ten ways from Sunday.

Balancing out Mick Jagger's unnatural sinuous grace is Keith Richards' awkward "dance moves, " which include circling Ronnie Wood like a scuttling crab and flicking guitar picks into the audience. Meanwhile Charlie Watts never fails to look like a five-foot pole resides underneath his buttock and Ronnie Wood does his best Rod Stewart impersonation, but watching each band members' quirks is surprisingly entertaining.

Shine a Light would have been even more entertaining with additional archived footage to inject further texture into the performance. Martin Scorsese obviously wanted to make a film that was loud, fun, and easy to digest but he missed out on an obvious opportunity to give Shine greater staying power.

For example, Keith Richards sings vocals later in the set list. Musically, Richards' performance is the weakest portion of the concert and the film, but Scorsese offsets the lull by inserting more interviews. In one interview he and Ronnie Wood joke about who is the better guitarist and their banter flavors the glowing nods they threw each other while rocking out on stage. In another interview, Richards shies away from discussing his numerous addictions and dangerous lifestyle and credits his survival to luck. These snippets add extra wrinkles to The Rolling Stones' performance and infuse a greater sense of perspective and accomplishment. It's a shame more weren't included.

If you've already seen the Stones live or have watched a true documentary on the band's history then Shine a Light will no doubt prove a redundant experience. But if you've done neither, then do yourself a favor and check out Shine before it leaves theaters because it's almost, but not quite, as good as the real thing.

Head on over to the Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) for more sites filled with movie reviews. Tell me them I sent you and you'll probably get kicked out so try to put in a good word for me.

4.02.2008

Great Stubble in TV and Film

Dr. Evil once said "there's nothing like a shorn scrotum -- it's breathtaking." Now I don't want to get into a debate about the merits of hairless scrota (that could take hours) but I would like to honor those men who buck the shearing trend and make face whiskers look good.

In no particular order...



Patrick Dempsey (Grey's Anatomy) - Without any stubble, Dr. Derek Shepherd is simply a mild-mannered doctor with great hair. Add the grizzle and he's every woman's fantasy: a hottie doctor that she can pretend is also a bad boy. (Dr. Shepherd might actually be a bad boy; I don't know since I've never seen the show, but if I did watch it, it'd be because of the stubble -- and Katherine Heigl).



Kiefer Sutherland (24) - The Kief almost got onto this list with The Lost Boys, but the mullet doesn't age nearly as well as the face whiskers. Fortunately Jack Bauer is man enough to make the cut in between his hectic schedule of saving the country and serving jail time.



Don Johnson (Miami Vice) - Nobody has done more to further the cause of facial stubble while simultaneously retarding America's fashion sense. Don Johnson tried to recreate the magic years later in Nash Bridges but his second biggest mistake was leaving the stubble in the 80s (the biggest mistake was using the name Nash Bridges).



Zachary Quinto (Heroes) - Skylar figures to be one of the less conflicted characters in Heroes (kill, kill, absorb powers!) but Zachary brings "texture" to his role with a truly magnificent five-o-clock shadow. Watching him makes you wish you'd been blessed with such facial-growth powers.



Brett Favre - (NFL - Retired) When Brett Favre retired the NFL lost not only an iconic iron man but also the grizzliest face in the league. I dare you to find a picture of Brett Favruh without any stubble -- that photo does not exist. This man embodies all the qualities that facial stubble stands for with his toughness, recklessness, and never-say-die-ness.



Matthew Fox (Lost) - After watching Dr. Jack Shephard tramp about a mysterious island for the last few years wearing a luxuriant face rug, you might be tempted to chalk the perfect growth up to another strange island power. And then you'd look at Hurley. Jack's natural charisma is greatly enhanced by his scruff that lets his frightened followers know that, despite his Ivy League education and occasional aloofness, he's just as stinky as them.



Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones) - I've already expounded Indiana's Greatness here at The Spoon, but it bears repeating that Indy is the pinnacle, nay, the apotheosis, of every-man-ness. He's smart, funny, resourceful, compassionate and he knows how to handle a whip. His man-scruff simply drives home how comfortable he is in his own well-worn shoes. Truly, he is a role model for our times.



Dylan McDermott (Big Shots) - The McDermott take on face stubble manages to combine arrogance and disdain with a playful boyishness. I'm not really certain how he does it, but his character Duncan Collingsworth (the name even sounds pretentious) really should be an unforgivable a-hole but isn't. I think the love-able scruff is a big part of the reason why.



Hugh Laurie (House) - By far the ugliest growth on this list belongs to the character who is possibly the most brilliant. Dr. House understands that the best way to prevent your genius medical abilities from putting off people (remember, he's a teddy bear deep down inside) is to grow a "pubical" concoction on your face. It doesn't look good, which almost made me pull House from this list, but the faux-surly doc would fail to garner much sympathy without the scruff.

That's my personal list for the greatest stubble in TV and film but I'm sure I left out a bunch. Feel free to let me know who your nominations are by commenting below.

Also, check out the Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) for a wide variety of, you guessed it, movie blogs about other fun movie topics and possibly even more facial stubble discussions (though I doubt it).

3.29.2008

12:01: The Reality

You remember 12:01, right? The Jonathon Silverman vehicle of the early 90s that starred Silverman as an office worker who, through a fortunate accident, is the only person on the planet not caught in a time-loop that reboots everyday at 12:01am?

Even if you do remember that goofy, sci-fi flick, chances are you're unaware they're making a sequel -- but this time in reality. Dun dun dun!


Better watch all your favorite Jonathon Silverman movies before the world ends/gets caught in perpetual time-loops

According to an article in the New York Times, scientists from the European Center for Nuclear Research or CERN (which is most definitely an evil organization-sounding name if I've ever heard one) have spent 14 years and $8 billion dollars building the "Large Hadron Collider" (again, evil-sounding) which is designed to "recreate energies and conditions last seen a trillionth of a second after the Big Bang." Harmless enough, right?

But scientists like Walter Wagner and Luis Sancho are concerned that CERN hasn't taken the necessary safety precautions and believe the Large Hadron Collider could potentially produce a black hole. And not just the tiny kind that Stephen Hawking predicted would evaporate like a fart lit on fire, but a big, nasty one like a fart powered by cans and cans of refried beans and then lit on fire for all of eternity.

The scientist types are abuzz with black holes fears, but if I remember correctly the time-loop in 12:01 began with a similar experiment in particle collisions. Mmmmm.

So if in the future you notice that your day is repeating again and again 12:01 style, or you've been sucked into a nasty black hole, don't say I didn't warn you.

For more discussions about movie-related doomsday scenarios (not really) visit Large Association of Movie Blogs!

3.27.2008

Looking Ahead: Baby Mama Preview

Tina Fey is no doubt one of the rising stars in comedy, not unlike a female Judd Apatow. Every one of Ms. Fey's projects, from Weekend Update at SNL, to Mean Girls, to 30 Rock, has sparkled with her whip-smart take on the absurdities of every day life. Her latest project, Baby Mama, is due out April 25th and I have no problem admitting that I'm interested in the flick despite its estrogen-heavy premise. Fey, a single woman desperate for motherhood, recruits a childish, none-too-bright girl (Amy Poehler) to be her surrogate.

I couldn't find a movie poster so this'll have to do. Oh well.

Reuniting Tina Fey and Amy Poehler is a no-brainer recipe for a sharp, snarky film but I'm not sure if the premise will prove adequately substantive for this talented cast (which also features Greg Kinnear, Sigourney Weaver, Romany Malco, and Dax Shephard - remember him?). Writer/director Michael McCullers is an SNL veteran but that's not necessarily a good thing in a movie director as most SNL movies tend to suffer from skit-itis and feel like a five minute skit stretched out to 105.

If anyone can play a semi-retarded surrogate who can't operate a child-proofed toilet it's Amy Poeher. She's got charm for days, but very few people outside of Will Ferrell can play semi-retarded goofballs for an entire movie and not incur viewer's eternal hatred. It's going to take strong performances by both Fey, Kinnear, and others to balance out the gross-out antics of Poehler's woman-child.



Despite these questions, Baby Mama is the only way to get a Tina Fey fix outside of reruns so I predict it'll do reasonably well in the box office. Personally, I'm not sold enough on the film to risk the social stigma of actually watching Baby Mama in the theaters with a pair of fully functional testicles.

What do you guys think of Baby Mama?

For more movie goodness check out the Large Association of Movie Blogs!

3.26.2008

Vote Today! -- At The LAMB

The U.S. presidential elections aren't for a while, but that doesn't mean you can't get your vote on now.

I know I already used this picture but I still like looking at it

Over at The LAMB (Large Association of Movie Blogs), Suzanne Stone (To Die For) is fighting for her life against Zoe (Serenity). Help her kick some Firefly butt and give her your vote to send Suzanne into the second round to wreak her seductive brand of chaos.

3.25.2008

The Spoon Prognosis: Healthy, Constipated

I'd like to calm any nervous readers out there: The Spoon is not on hiatus. However, The Spoon's chief operating station (ie: my computer) suffered through a medley of hiccups and coughs that took a couple of weeks to clear up. Everything has been successfully resolved and you can expect much more stuff to grace these virtual pages as I push out some creative backlog.

A podcast is in the works... but I probably shouldn't even be talking about it

One item to expect is an upcoming movie review which I've already begun podcasting about with my secret team. It's still early in development and I probably shouldn't even be talking about it, but I'm excited about the opportunity to branch out and touch you with my voice as well as my words.

Stay tuned.

3.10.2008

Attack of the Femmes Fatales

Nick over at the LAMB page came up with a very interesting idea to pit cinematic femme fatales against each other in a single-elimination narrative battle style tournament. Each participant chooses a femme fatale from any movie and must explain why his/her siren would defeat the other. Obviously it's called "The Sirens of the LAMBS."

I'm participating, of course, so check back for an update when my femme fatale, Suzanne Stone Maretto from To Die For, takes on Zoe from Serenity. The rest of the competition is stiff as well and includes the likes of The Bride, Nikita, and Bonnie Parker among others.

The action will be hot, heavy, and most likely lethal. Check it out.