Television Spotlight: The Pick Up Artist

VH1 is hitting the lonely, desperate male demographic hard in its newest reality show The Pick Up Artist. The Pick Up Artist or PUA (acronyms are a staple of this show) is led by supreme PUA, Mystery, and his wingmen Matador and J-Dog. I am not making this up. Their job is to take eight men suffering from varying degrees of social ineptitude and turn them into Master PUAs.

I’m going to reveal a few spoilers now so please look away if you don’t want to taint your macking viewing pleasure.

By the end of the one episode I saw (the 4th?), three of the eight lady killer wannabes had been voted off. They included Stephen “The Spoon,” who got voted off despite his incredible nickname, as well as Fred the 45 year old virgin (gasp!) and Scott the intellectual (no way!).

Pictured: Ladykiller

The remaining five contestants have proven themselves competent at Mystery’s pick up methodology which is so full of jargon that watching The PUA is a lot like watching a Star Trek episode.

The Greatest PUA in the history of the universe

First picture Mystery, aka Erik von Markovik (wise choice with the pseudonym Erik), and his wingmen Matador and J-Dog sitting in a dark room watching a large screen of his pupils, or away team, as they confront delicious female life forms. The pupils have invisible ear radios to hear Mystery’s directions (true!).

[Pupil sees an attractive female]

Pupil: Hottie spotted.

Mystery: Begin Step 1 of the Mystery Method. Begin Operation: Attraction.

[Pupil begins opening lines with female]

Mystery: Good work number 2. Commence with Operation: Comfort.

[Pupil begins moving closer to female]

[Female also begins to move closer to pupil and laughs at his “jokes”]

Mystery: We have reported 2 IOIs (Indicator’s of Interest). Begin Phase Shift to Seduction phase of the Mystery Model.

[Pupil initiates kissy face]

[Female turns shoulder and sticks out hand]

Mystery: Warning number two! Warning! Bitch Shield has been activated! I repeat, Bitch Shield has been activated! Abort, Abort!

Matador: Loser.

J-Dog: He sucks.

Despite the temptation to dismiss The Pick Up Artist as just another sensationalist reality show that objectifies women and idolizes the promiscuous male, there’s actually a much more wholesome side to the entire operation. A side that I call Operation: Inspire. You see, the Pick Up Artist isn’t about getting guys laid. Well it is, but in addition to getting guys laid it’s also about raising men’s confidence. And there is nothing more noble than raising men’s confidence while simultaneously teaching them how to get laid.

When I saw flashbacks to how the contestants started out, with their glasses and awkward shuffles, I saw how far they had come. I mean, the 45 year old virgin and The Spoon must have really sucked because they were voted off in the first couple episodes, but the nice guy intellectual really did show a lot of improvement. He no longer wore glasses. He had accepted that picking up women was his new purpose in life. Yeah, he had really come a long way.

So if you want to see a show about guys learning how to manipulate women into one night stands, then watch The Pick Up Artist. But if you want to see an inspirational show about guys learning how to manipulate women into one night stands, then you’ll also want to watch The Pick Up Artist.

Let me know if you see any more Pick Up Artist episodes because I'll probably miss them but my, uh, friend wants to know what happens.

P.S. Keep those Comedy Movie Quotes coming. Only one more day!

Some Heroes have all the fun

As I watched Heroes last night, I couldn't help but feel left out. Seemingly ordinary folks like you and me were learning how to cheat at cards (Hiro), avoid the law (Nikki), and pick up women (the mind reading guy can sooo do this) using their emerging super powers. I wanted some of that action.

But while I'm very familiar with my desire to use superpowers to cheat, lie, and pick up women, I'd really like to know what you, my dear furry readers, want in your greedy little hearts. Do you want to use your mind-reading powers to always win in strip poker? Maybe you'd like to save on airfare for your vacation? I'm intrigued beyond safety regulations.

For convenient fantasizing purposes, I've put twelve powers together for your perusal. Vote for which one you'd most like to have and I encourage you to explain exactly (and in great detail) what you'd do in the comments section.

Spoilers may reside in the following poll. Sneaky bastards.

Which Heroes' superpower would you most want to have?

• 
  
  Read people's minds


• 
  
  Paint the future (brushes and other accessories sold separately)


• 
  
  Fly


• 
  
  Split personality that can do anything and get away with it


• 
  
  Manipulate time and space


• 
  
  Be invulnerable/fast healing


• 
  
  Temporarily move through permanent objects (like walls, locker room doors, etc)


• 
  
  Burn things


• 
  
  Super learning ability


• 
  
  Absorb other people's powers (this one's speculative)


• 
  
  Manipulate machinery and technology (also speculative)


• 
  
  Physically visit the past (admittedly, a wild guess)


• 
  
  No powers for me, thanks. I already have a job

view results

Weeds burns with bright wit and rich, flavorful plots
(without lowering your sperm count)

Shows like Weeds are the reason God created Netflix. All too often a television series will settle into a monster of the week (X-Files) or crime of the week (CSI:Miami) storyline that begins and ends in a convenient yet unfulfilling one-hour package. Weeds takes a refreshing break from that stuffy mold while following the never-ending and often hilarious trials of a pot-dealing single mother.

As a recently widowed mother of two, the ends just won’t meet for Nancy Botwin (Mary Louise Parker) and dealing offers the only respite. And dealing in suburban America offers its own set of difficulties, as relentless gossip and PTA intrigue can wreak havoc on a growing drug empire. Nancy must wrestle with the pain of her husband’s tragic death, the difficulties of raising two growing boys, and the unending pressure to survive the law and her drug dealing competition. It’s fun, hilarious, dark, and tragic. It’s also great television.

Light 'er up baby

The secret ingredient of Weeds is its truly amazing cast of characters. Talents like Mary Louise Parker (Boys on the Side), Elizabeth Perkins (He Said, She Said), and Romany Malco (The 40 Year Old Virgin) lay on the drama, energy, and sarcasm so well it’s got to be unhealthy. And the final proof of Weeds’ comedic chops is how even Kevin Nealon (SNL) manages to shine as a supremely mellow PTA President/pothead.

Mary Louise Parker alone could carry this show as the multi-layered, eponymous pot dealing mom. Vulnerable and frightened or tough and capable, Mary dances through her roles with grace, aplomb, and a sarcastic jibe waiting to dart from her lips. And every bit of Mary Louise Parker’s considerable acting ability is necessary because her character, Nancy Botwin, is on one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

In one memorable scene, Nancy confronts a competing dealer who has pushed some product onto a ten year old. Clearly enraged, Nancy seems just as surprised as the dealer when she physically threatens him to stop dealing to children. I won’t spoil how this altercation ends, but the surprise and intensity of the scene remains just as believable and captivating as the humorous banter between Nancy and her queen-bitch neighbor played by Elizabeth Perkins.

Be warned however that Weeds is not fun for the whole family. Teenaged sex, adultery, not to mention drug dealing and drug use are constantly on screen and in your face. And at times the series can drop into the realm of tragedy with a bluntness that isn’t appropriate for everyone. I wouldn’t recommend watching Weeds in front of your impressionable children or religious mother-in-law with the Jesus tattoo on her back.

As much as I want to go on with my glowing and fantastically written review, I’m afraid I’ll spoil the plotlines and ruin the mellow you’ll get from this sure-fire hit. With any luck, you’ve already taken my advice and ordered the first season’s DVD, but second season is off-limits because it’s not out yet and I have first dibs.

My ESP Loses

If you'll recall, I used my ESP powers to predict what would happen in today's episode of The Office. Let's recap my losses.

1. Prediction: Jim and Pam talk on the phone. - Correct!
Yes, this was predicted based on a preview of them talking on the phone. Even Einstein had bad news, I'm sure.

2. Prediction: Jim's relationship with karen will take another step - Correct!
Not only did Jim and Karen have several moments together while fighting over a chair, they also ganged up on their crazy co-worker. I like Pam and I think she and Jim are perfectly matched, but Karen is pretty darn cute and I'd like to see some more sexual tension develop between them (Jim and Karen).

3. Prediction: Dwight will have a fight with Angela - Wrong!
While Dwight and Angela didn't fight with each other, they both managed to yell at other office mates. Dwight tricked Ryan into working on his beet farm while verbally berating him and Angela called Kelly a psycho after she put Dwight down. So I'm taking this one as a moral victory.

4. Prediction: Kelly will humiliate Ryan - Wrong!
Technically I'm wrong, but I think I'm correct in spirit. As I mentioned earlier, Dwight does humiliate Ryan on his farm so... yeah I'm still wrong.

5. Prediction: Dwight will eat dirt on his beet farm - Wrong!
This didn't happen, but did you see Dwight's cousin's beard? I tried growing a goatee a few weeks ago and that was a trying experience. I can't imagine what it's like facing people with a red neckbeard. Well, it's questionable if it was red, but it was unquestionably butt-ugly.

That's 2/5 or 40 percent correct. If I were a baseball player, I'd be making more than A-Rod with that average.

My ESP vs. The Office

Today is Thursday which means it's time for The Office! Because I can't stop my brain from guessing what's going to happen, I'm going to make a few predictions about today's episode. Afterwords I'll tally up the points for my ESP against the cold hard reality. Here's looking at you ESP.

Predictions:
1. Jim and Pam talk on the phone. (This is a gimme since I saw it in the previews)

2. Jim's relationship with Karen will take a another step - What I love about this show is that even after several episodes it's clear that these two have excellent chemistry and probably are attracted to each other, but there's still no certainty that anything will happen. Personally, I really want to see some love triangle action.

3. Dwight will have a fight with Angela - last week Angela was disgusted when Dwight asked her to freeze his head in the event of an accident. Naturally this leads me to believe that they're having relationship difficulties.

4. Kelly will humiliate Ryan. This is almost another gimmie. Remember when Kelli was double dating with Pam and kept stuffing food into Ryan's mouth? Yeah, it's going to be like that.

5. Dwight will eat dirt on his beet farm - I'm cheating a little and I read "Dwight's" blog post on nbc.com. You can check it out here.

Now that my poor little ESP is tired, I'm going to patiently wait for The Office. And maybe do some sports gambling. My ESP tells me that Oakland is going to lose every game this season.

In the News

Rather than devote an entire blog post to a single topic, I've decided to throw out my two cents for a variety of topics. I'm not sure if this is creativity or laziness in effect, but I'm rolling with it.

Baby faced detective

Future star of Jade

1. David Caruso
Apparently David Caruso is an attractive (or at least striking-looking) man, and despite being a guy I can kind of see this. Something about his face has always bothered me, until I saw him on today's CSI: Miami episode and realized what it is: he looks like a baby. Granted, he looks like a very old and grizzled baby, but he somehow wields the soft pouty lips and crinkled eyes of an adorable infant.

2. Monday Night Football = The Waterboy
This past MNF game, Arizona couldn't buy themselves a victory, even when they were up by 20 points with 15 minutes left. The complete dominance exhibited by the Bear's defense transcended normal football achivements and soared into the rarified air attained in only one movie: The Waterboy. Brian Urlacher played the starring role of Bobby Boucher and almost singlehandedly giave the Cards their comeuppance. Matt Leinard was good, but he wasn't Bobby Boucher good.

3. Heroes
Now in the fourth episode, we're finally starting to see some action. Unfotunately, when I say action I mean a suicidal car crash during the last five seconds of the show. Still, it's nice to see some genuine humor (watching Hiro getting punched out) and some more oddly creepy prophetic stuff (Hiro coming back from the future - with a soul patch!). I'm officially hooked.

4. Chelsea Handler
I saw a clip of Chelsea's E! show about a week ago and yesterday I flipped through her new book, My Horizontal Life. Watching her show and reading her book is kind of like following the drunken ramblings of a potty-mouthed five year old in an attractive blonde's 31 year old body. I highly recommend checking out some of the clips on YouTube or her myspace site. Here's a sample clip where Chelsea tries to choose a personal assistant.

Shark
episode on 10/12/06

For the life of me, I don't know a single character's name beyond James Woods' (it's Sebastian aka "Shark"). And really, I don't need to know because most of the action swirls around Shark and the latest episode continues that trend. When I do need to identify anyone, say his Assistant District Attorneys, then I refer to them with nicknames.

Assistant District Attorneys:
-The Hispanic Dude - Supposedly he's very well qualified but can't handle the real work environment too well. He seems to screw up about once an episode.

-Blonde Playboy - He's supposed to be a little on the dim side, but his wealthy father got him the position and he seems to do alright with his Playgirl good looks. Something about his face bothers me, though (his bottom lip bends funny, but I guess I'm critical like that).

-The Passionate Mother - This one is also a minority (I think she's African American) and she cares deeply about justice. And she has a small child. Yes, she's boring.

-The Ambitious Blonde - This is one of the more interesting characters and not just because she's good-looking. She's often willing to bend or break any rule to succeed and takes a lot after Shark. However, she's got a soft spot for the Blonde Playboy and signs of jealousy for him are surfacing.

Back to the Plot.

A woman calls in to 911 claiming that she's in danger. When the paramedics arrive they find the woman and a man both shot to death. Their bodies are found on the grounds of a notorious private investigator who has a reputation for dirty dealings.

Shark and his assistants quickly build a strong case against the dead woman's husband. Due to a legal boo-boo their entire case is nearly wiped out (is it just me or does this exact same thing happen in every episode? Just once I'd like to see them do everything right). As they try to regroup, they rely on the private investigator's testimony (who owned the place where the shooting went down).

The PI's testimony goes terribly, but Shark is able to bluff him into giving up the murder weapon's location (apparently he really was involved after all). The dead woman's husband goes to jail and Shark wins again!

Now if you're like me, there's at least one point in every Shark episode where you have to scratch your head and say, "huh?" It's a gimmie that something goes wrong, whether it's a bad legal decision, a witness buckling, or something else, and it usually happens so quickly that I'm spending the next ten minutes trying to figure out what the hell happened. Well, it happened again today. I'd like to tell you when it was, but it confused me so much I can't really say. Somewhere around when Shark realizes that the PI is holding back specific information about the murder. I'm probably not getting any smarter, so I hope future episodes make events a little more clear.

On the intriguing side of things, it comes out that Shark has had previous dealings with the shady PI. Turns out Shark even asked the PI to scare a witness in a previous case and said witness turned up dead. Fortunately for Shark this info doesn't really surface in the courtroom, but that's a heck of a secret to have.

In other news, Shark's daughter is getting friendly with a new boy at the cost of her schoolwork. It even looks like she's going to cheat on a paper to get ahead. I predict that she'll get caught and even though Shark will want to blackmail her teachers (what a cool dad), she'll tell him no, she needs to learn her lesson and so on and so forth. She's way too mature for her own good, although she is cheating.

See y'all next time. (I can't believe I just used "y'all.")

The Office
Episode airing on 10/12/06 (because I don't know the name, okay)

Today's episode centered around the grief that Michael Scott (Stevel Carell) felt when his old boss died and all of his many attempts to share his grief with his co-workers. As he told the camera (and I'm paraphrasing here):

"There are five stages of grief and right now everyone is in denial, which is the first stage. The last stage is acceptance and before that is depression. So my goal today is to get everyone into acceptance with their grief, but if we can't do that, then I at least want to get them all depressed."

Priceless.

Highlights also include Dwight and Michael's attempts to design a robot memorial for the deceased. However, Dwight decides it should be a 2/3 life-sized robot "in case it turns on us."

Regular viewers of The Office know that Jim Halpert has taken up residence at a separate branch of Dunder-Mifflin where his own story continues. His new co-workers range from the Cornell-educated crazy careerist Andy to the cute but competitive Karen. Last week's episode showed Karen and Jim having a moment and that little spark got a lot of fuel in this week's episode. Jim is asked to help Karen fix up some mistakes in her work. Despite her annoyance at this, Jim helps her hunt down her favorite snack and they get along with borderline coyness/flirtation. There is a definite possiblity of romance here.

Meanwhile, the other half of the Jim/Pam romance (that would be Pam), is again being wooed by her ex-fiance Roy. There doesn't seem to be too much behind it yet, but the seeds exist for a rekindling (cool, mixed metaphors).

Another great episode from the Office and I foresee some potential love connections developing. All the pieces are in place for possible relationships between Pam and Jim, or Jim and Karen, or even Pam and Roy. Keep watching or check back here for my own take on upcoming episodes.

What what Jesus Do - if he had the superpowers from Heroes?

A few days ago I previewed several of the more interesting television shows from this new season. You can check the previews out here if you missed them. But after watching Heroes, I had to wonder what the true reality would be if you discovered you had the powers depicted on the show. For example, people are people and it'd be unreasonable to expect everyone not to use their powers to check out really attractive women using the potty (to use a completely random example). Because this kind of thing is important to me at this point in my life (don't ask), I'll tell you the possible real-life implications of these powers that Heroes probably won't delve into.

Here's a list of the Heroes' abilities:
-Flight
-Ability to predict the future (only when on a drug high)
-Invulnerability
-Criminal/Devious Alter Ego (only available during times of stress)
-Ability to manipulate time and one's own location
-Reading Minds

Flight
The power of flight is an old standby in comics, cartoons, and wish fantasies. It's also wildly overrated. Unless you're invulnerable in addition to being bird-like, you're basically just counting down the days until you have a major crash or beat down you're probably not going to flap away from. Let's count some of the things sharing sky you're so happily soaring through: birds, airplanes, helicopters, tall buildings, and trees are just a few examples. Yes, several items on that list don't move and the others are pretty darn large, but it doesn't take much at high speeds to kill a flying idiot. If you manage to head-butt a bird at 60 miles an hour, that's probably going to leave a mark, much less running into a traffic helicopter. And let's not forget that the only navigation system a flying person has is their own eyes. No radar, no air traffic controller, no evolutionary sense of flight control (okay, maybe this one, but I wouldn't count on it), nuthin'. So that ability to fly doesn't mean so much unless you've got some kind of navigation system and damage protection and by that point you're probably better off taking a plane.

(note to readers: I think I might've railed too much on flying powers, but if you couldn't tell already I'm kind of afraid of heights and I really dislike flying.)

The Ability to Predict the Future or Most Awkwardly described Power, Ever
In Heroes, the guy who predicts the future can only do so while taking heroin (or is it cocaine? I can never keep up on my drug knowledge) and then painting what he "sees." If I were this guy, I'd probably experiment with other drugs to get the same effect. Maybe he only has to get really, really drunk before he gets all prophetic. It wouldn't be the first time a drunk person thought they could see the future. I can picture it now.

"Hey baby...
You know I can see the future? *hiccup*
Yeah, it's awesome. *burp* F-ing awesome, man!
Like right now, I can see you and me going into the back and you take off your - *throws up*"

On the plus side, you might get the occasional sports bet out of this one. Okay, maybe there's a silver lining in there after all.

Invulnerability
I really like this power. You can do pretty much anything using this power and not have to worry about dying or even losing a limb. If you've ever seen that show Highlander, that was one of my beefs. Those guys couldn't die unless their heads got chopped off, but if their hand got cut off and they still survived, they had to go through the next ten centures of life without that hand. That would really suck. So the good thing about this power is that you don't have to worry about losing limbs. But you have to wonder if this power also prevents things like baldness or STDs. Because it'd also suck to go through forever (I'm assuming invlunerability means you won't age too) wearing a wig and discharging all the time. So even if you're invlunerable it's a good idea to use protection.

Criminal/Devious Alter Ego
This is an intriguing yet ultimately frustrating power. Why? For starters, you never know what's going on, and this power basically has control of you. In the show, the character's life is threatened and next thing she knows, she's waking up hours later after killing everyone and then disposing of their bodies. Also, there's evidence that she's done this before under the control of her devious alter ego. But where's the fun in that? I'm not saying that killing someone is cool or even laudable (I also don't condone it for obvious legal reasons), but if you do do it and it's somewhat justified (he can't cut you in line like that!) at least you want to get some satisfaction for it. On the flip side, I wonder how this power gets triggered and what the alter ego is capable of. I think it'd be pretty funny if every time you got bills you mysteriously black out and then two years later you get thrown in jail for tax evasion and suspicion of child molestation. I mean, maybe your alter ego didn't pay his/her taxes and maybe he or she tapped some underage ass, that's not exactly a plea that'll fly in the legal system. So my final verdict is that this power is intriguing but doomed to end in prison.

Manipulation of time and space
The possibilities of this power are nearly limitless and it's especially captivating because it's relatively unexplored. In the Time Machine, the protagonist can travel anywhere in time but without being able to adjust his physical location. The Japanese guy in Heroes can do both and without the aid of a machine. Obviously there's the opportunity here to do some really nasty stuff. Commit any crime you want and then when you get thrown in jail, just turn back the clock and get the hell out of there. You could also try to help save people and do nice stuff, but you'd have to be extra careful not to get killed. Let's say you lose an arm, maybe you can go back in time and get that arm back and fix it. If you're dead though, you're dead. So the best defense here is anticipation and avoiding stupid mistakes. Even when you're messing around you'd have to be careful. Somehow you get it into your head to teleport to Mt. Everest. If you do that immediately, you wouldn't have the necessary amount of red blood cells to carry oxygen to the rest of your body and you'd go unconscious in a matter of minutes and die.
But with this power, you'd probably be the shiznit crime fighter. Hear about a crime, go to that location, freeze the time and right the wrongs before they happen. But once your notoriety increases, you have to start watching your own back.

And the final power...

Mind Reading
If you've stuck with me this long, you're probably reading for a break. All I have to say about this power is, handle with care. All the information you're getting from this one is from other people. Even when people discuss themselves and their own wants and desires they're wrong a considerable amount of the time. So when you're wife thinks, "Why won't he spank me anymore?" She may still get creeped out when you slap her booty. How embarrassing if you caught somebody fantasizing about you, acted on it, and then got slapped with some child molestation charge (why does it always come back to child molestation?). You'd be a good interrogator, sure, but this power would probably screw with your personal life. Although you might be pretty good at picking up one night stands. So there's that at least.

So these are my own takes on the powers from Heroes. But what would you do with these powers? Rob a bank? Catch O.J. in the act? Molest a child? Please post it.

30 Rock
Last year the 49ers won their first game and then lost their next 5 en route to a 4-12 season. Sure, everything looked rosy after that first game with that big, shiny W up there, but you just couldn't be sure if deep down inside they still needed another year to not suck. Unfortunately, I'm getting that same feeling with 30 Rock.

And after looking at the comments from the NBC blog, I'd say that most viewers are with me on this one. Two out of the first three comments on NBC's 30 Rock blog were downright mean spirited while several others had more praise for Tina's past accomplishments than her current work.

So why so much negativity?

The Bad
Supposedly this is a comedy show that takes place behind the scenes of a comedy show. Unfortunately, it runs a lot like the new SNL episodes; funny in brief moments followed by uncomfortable pauses where you have to sit and wait for the next laugh. You see that Dane Cook SNL episode? Then you know what I'm talking about.

Obviously this is a new medium for Tina to be involved in so I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Still, the pacing and the funny (yes, "the funny") was uneven at best. I had a couple laugh out loud moments ("Here's that hemorrhoid cream you asked for"), several strained chuckles and a gasp when my Sprite went down the wrong way but that had nothing to do with the show so I probably shouldn't even have mentioned it.

But still, there's room for hope.

The Good
Alec Baldwin has proven his comedy chops at SNL (and also State and Main - or am I the only person to have seen this gem?) and he's got several good lines in this project. His character is already clearly established as the gruff, take-charge executive without a real clue how to get the job done or talk to anyone without being insulting.

But more than anything, the best thing going for this show is Tina Fey. She proved that she can write a joke with the best of them (Mean Girls) and she even showed that she could deliver them too (SNL Weekend Update). Now it's time to prove she can do it all over again.

The Delicious
Tina does some freak dancing at a strip club. Also, Tracy Morgan pauses in the middle of a heart-to-heart to urinate in public.

The Verdict: I'm watching it next week and crossing my fingers for a winning season.

Boob tube has good shows, no boobs

Not since high school have I sat down and actually watched consecutive episodes from the same show. During college my awake hours were way too irregular to catch weekly shows and after that I was in a different country with other things to do (plus my tv had like 3 channels). But now, there's absolutely nothing in the way of me and my television and, I have to say, I like what I'm seeing. Here are a few of my takes on the boob tube's offerings.

Shark
The Good
James Woods is an incredible actor and slips into the anti-hero role with all the flair and smugness that makes him such a great bad guy. The supporting cast features a standard group of cliche-ridden lawyers but they smartly give Woods enough space for him to be evil, brilliant, and cocky all while being the good guy. Plus, his daughter is really cute, even if her character is pretty unrealistic with Yoda-like wisdom.

The Bad
So far the show's theme is "Trial of the week," and there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of continuity from episode to episode. More than anything, we see the laywer back ups develop a bit and this isn't really all that great of a thing. I'd much rather see Woods' attractive boss strike up some kind of relationship with him. I'd watch that.

The Delicious
Woods' lawyer character blackmails his daughter's driving instructor into passing her. What a cool dad!

Heroes
The Good
This show answers the question, "What would ordinary people do when thrust into extraordinary circumstances?" Seeming unrelated people throughout the world (read: the U.S. and Japan) discover that they have unique powers. The most intriguing characters are the down-on-his-luck beat cop who can read people's minds, the sweet but too-hot-for-her-own-good cheerleader who's invulnerable, and the nerdish Japanese office worker (or "salaryman" for any japanese readers out there) who can manipulate time and space. First they explore their powers and only time will tell what the hell they do with them besides picking up women and impressing friends at parties.

The Bad
So far there's a lot of intrigue (is this mysterious Sylar person a possible suppervillain? and how is he connected to the dead professor who theorized about the emergance of superpowers?) and a possible evil plot (New York go boom?) but not a ton of payoff.

The Delicious
While a jock tries to rape her, the invulnerable cheerleader gets a huge pokey branch impaled into her skull. How embarrassing.

Two and a Half Men
The Good
Charlie Sheen drops clever quips at the expense of his live-in brother. Said brother's little kid drops clever quips at the expense of everyone else. As you may guess, there are a lot of clever quips on this show, not to mention a lot of attractive women. Both of them do a good job.

The Bad
Unfortunately, newer episodes seem to include much less of both the quips and the women. I don't want to seem shallow here, but I'd at least like to see one of the two.

The Delicious
Lines like this between Charlie and his brother Alan...
Charlie: Drugs! Get me drugs!
Alan: No. Medication will only mask the pain.
Charlie: Fine, mask it! Give it a cape and let it fight crime, I don't give a damn!

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
To be perfectly honest, I've only seen about half of a single episode so while I'm not exactly qualified to comment on this show, I wasn't exactly qualified to comment on any show anyway.

The Good
As far as I can make out, this is a somewhat dramatic, somewhat funny, somewhat "realistic" take on the behind the scenes of a sketch comedy show. I've heard it described as being similar to "West Wing" and that seems doubly true since it has a lot of the same lighting and camera tricks and that guy Bradley Whitford. Also, Matthew Perry actually seems kind of edgy and funny again. Like most people, I stopped watching Perry about a decade ago when "Friends" became "Group of buddies who are a lot better looking than you but slightly less funny."

The Bad
I'm going to go with the whole, resembles the West Wing thing. I never did watch that show on account of it's occasional discussion of politics.

The Delicious
Matthew Perry makes a joke and a laugh track is not forced to play against it's will.

The Class
The Good
A reuinion of former 3rd grade classmates (now all in their mid to late 20s) brings a lot of people back into each other's lives, bringing with them the possibility of romances, fights, and varied relationships with one another. Hilarity ensues. One Funny Situation: Former flame has a one night fling with her old boyfriend (who still lives at home with his mother). While attempting to call it off, the old boyfriend inadvertantly gets hired by the new husband (a hall of fame quarterback, no less) to work on his home for the next 6 months, and, also inadvertantly, the old boyfriend becomes the new husband's best friend. Good stuff.

The Bad
While most of the relationships are filled with attractive people and good natured repartee, one of the relationships is now veering into the disturbing realm of drama. Drama wasn't what I signed on for when I momentarily paused my channel surfing.

The Delicious
The possibility of sexual tension between the hall of fame football player, his wife, and his new best friend. Rawr.

Ugly Betty
I don't have anything against this show, other than it's incredibly fortunate premier after The Devil Wears Prada (which I liked), it's "feel good" story, the constant mentioning of Salma Hayek as a producer, and the fact that it's on at the same time as my favorite tv show, the Office. So other than those reasons, it's probably okay. I also have the feeling that I'd like this show more if I was a fugly woman. Oh well.

The Office
The Good
This show is the real deal. Completely ordinary, daily-grind-office work has never been so damn funny. I realize that could come off as being very sarcastic, but it's actually awe you're hearing (or reading, if you want to get literal). The show's satirical edge is honed razor sharp and The Office has such a unique and eclectic cast that comic genius Steve Carrel is simply the first among equals. Rainn Wilson is truly a breakout star as the delusional and wildy hilarious Dwight Schrute. Here's a gem from him, while commenting on an attractive woman:

The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me... for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

There's also a plethora of office romances that range from the touching and soul mate variety (Pam and Jim) to the deeply disturbed (Dwight and Angela) to the train wreck waiting to happen kind (Ryan and Kelly), to the so sad it goes beyond pathetic and back into funny kind (Michael and Jan).

There's a lot of pathetic, a little romantic, some creepy, a lot of hilarity, and a whole lotta good television on this show.

The Bad
As with any award winning show, there's a lot of pressure to perform after a successful year. The Office won a lot of awards last year and the bar has been officially raised.

The Delicious
After the boss, Michael, has burned his foot in a George Foreman grill, his trusty lietenant Dwight drives off to rescue him, only to crash into a pole, suffer a concussion, throw up on his car, walk around in a daze, get back into his car and then continue with the rescue attempt.