4.02.2008

Great Stubble in TV and Film

Dr. Evil once said "there's nothing like a shorn scrotum -- it's breathtaking." Now I don't want to get into a debate about the merits of hairless scrota (that could take hours) but I would like to honor those men who buck the shearing trend and make face whiskers look good.

In no particular order...



Patrick Dempsey (Grey's Anatomy) - Without any stubble, Dr. Derek Shepherd is simply a mild-mannered doctor with great hair. Add the grizzle and he's every woman's fantasy: a hottie doctor that she can pretend is also a bad boy. (Dr. Shepherd might actually be a bad boy; I don't know since I've never seen the show, but if I did watch it, it'd be because of the stubble -- and Katherine Heigl).



Kiefer Sutherland (24) - The Kief almost got onto this list with The Lost Boys, but the mullet doesn't age nearly as well as the face whiskers. Fortunately Jack Bauer is man enough to make the cut in between his hectic schedule of saving the country and serving jail time.



Don Johnson (Miami Vice) - Nobody has done more to further the cause of facial stubble while simultaneously retarding America's fashion sense. Don Johnson tried to recreate the magic years later in Nash Bridges but his second biggest mistake was leaving the stubble in the 80s (the biggest mistake was using the name Nash Bridges).



Zachary Quinto (Heroes) - Skylar figures to be one of the less conflicted characters in Heroes (kill, kill, absorb powers!) but Zachary brings "texture" to his role with a truly magnificent five-o-clock shadow. Watching him makes you wish you'd been blessed with such facial-growth powers.



Brett Favre - (NFL - Retired) When Brett Favre retired the NFL lost not only an iconic iron man but also the grizzliest face in the league. I dare you to find a picture of Brett Favruh without any stubble -- that photo does not exist. This man embodies all the qualities that facial stubble stands for with his toughness, recklessness, and never-say-die-ness.



Matthew Fox (Lost) - After watching Dr. Jack Shephard tramp about a mysterious island for the last few years wearing a luxuriant face rug, you might be tempted to chalk the perfect growth up to another strange island power. And then you'd look at Hurley. Jack's natural charisma is greatly enhanced by his scruff that lets his frightened followers know that, despite his Ivy League education and occasional aloofness, he's just as stinky as them.



Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones) - I've already expounded Indiana's Greatness here at The Spoon, but it bears repeating that Indy is the pinnacle, nay, the apotheosis, of every-man-ness. He's smart, funny, resourceful, compassionate and he knows how to handle a whip. His man-scruff simply drives home how comfortable he is in his own well-worn shoes. Truly, he is a role model for our times.



Dylan McDermott (Big Shots) - The McDermott take on face stubble manages to combine arrogance and disdain with a playful boyishness. I'm not really certain how he does it, but his character Duncan Collingsworth (the name even sounds pretentious) really should be an unforgivable a-hole but isn't. I think the love-able scruff is a big part of the reason why.



Hugh Laurie (House) - By far the ugliest growth on this list belongs to the character who is possibly the most brilliant. Dr. House understands that the best way to prevent your genius medical abilities from putting off people (remember, he's a teddy bear deep down inside) is to grow a "pubical" concoction on your face. It doesn't look good, which almost made me pull House from this list, but the faux-surly doc would fail to garner much sympathy without the scruff.

That's my personal list for the greatest stubble in TV and film but I'm sure I left out a bunch. Feel free to let me know who your nominations are by commenting below.

Also, check out the Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) for a wide variety of, you guessed it, movie blogs about other fun movie topics and possibly even more facial stubble discussions (though I doubt it).

26 comments:

Sarah said...

Pretty comprehensive list, very impressive! Are you sure you didn't have help from any women??

Matt said...

sarah - Thanks, but if there's one thing I don't need help from women for, it's judging the quality of men's facial scruff.

Nayana Anthony said...

Mmmm... this list made me feel all happy and warm, deep, deep inside.

*sigh*

Alrighty, back to work.

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Orhan Kahn said...

Hugh Laurie gets my vote. His character is so well structured and the stubble only adds to the damaged beauty that is Gregory House.

Matt said...

nayana - I always aim to deliver warm fuzzies. Mission accomplished.

orhan - Excellent point, Hugh Laurie's disfigured scruff is really quite emblematic of the character.

WaywardJam said...

I too enjoy the fugliness of Laurie's scruff. If (more like when) I see Street Kings I will be shocked to see him clean-shaven. I caught a glimpse in the trailer and it just looked, and felt...wrong somehow.

bobobobo said...

ah, i'm so glad someone wrote a post on this

facial growth powers indeed

trust-her said...

hey there, hugh is positively beautiful! there's nothing unsightly, or "ugly", in this man's perfectly bone structured mug! and this is a portraitist's point of view :)

Anonymous said...

Zach has the best stubble... almoost a fickin beard the first day!

Anonymous said...

Zachary is one of the hottest men... Wish he would grow a full beard... He'd be even hotter!!!

Anonymous said...

You're forgetting Paul McGillion and his yummy stubble, especially as 'Carson Beckett' in Stargate: Atlantis...stubbly hawtness...love it!

Alexa said...

I think Hugh looks better with his "House" stubble than without! I have such a crush on House (the character). Just something about the way no woman could ever tame him. ;D

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