8.10.2008

Swing Vote: Political Nuttiness Gone Sour

I don't understand why the forces behind Swing Vote chose to saddle their film with a "hero" like Bud Johnson (Kevin Costner) and cast off any hope of becoming a clever political satire. Rather than dish out some much-deserved digs at the U.S. political campaign machine, director Joshua Michael Stern instead felt content to focus on the "redemption" of swing voter Bud, a wholly undeserving character.

When the two major presidential candidates discover that Bud possesses the deciding vote between each of them, they flub their brains trying to win over the unemployed, barely educated, NASCAR-loving alcoholic. Kelsey Grammar as the incumbent President tries to distill the election process into a complicated football analogy of which he is the star player. Democratic candidate Don Greenleaf (Dennis Hopper) knocks himself on his backside shooting a hunting rifle to prove he's a Regular Joe. But the candidates' efforts -- and Swing Vote's attempts at satire -- are in vain because Bud is too dumb, drunk, and willfully ignorant to function, let alone choose the next leader of the free world.

Swing Vote is at its sharpest when Bud's unlikely authority is used to wipe away the endless political posturing and "justificating" to reveal the blatant pandering underneath. The candidates flip flop on the gravest issues like immigration and abortion, each invoking the time-honored political cry that he "can't do any good if he doesn't win." The candidates' over-the-top commercials reveal the shallowness of that argument.

After these shots over the bow, mysteriously, sadly, we are stuck again with Bud's story of redemption. Except so much is made of Bud's ignorance, disdain for education, and lackluster parenting skills -- all of which are clothed in the sheer guise of humorous quirks -- that it would feel out of character if Bud showed the initiative to begin flossing.

I was mildly entertained when I first saw Swing Vote. The Daily Show and The Colbert Report proved that contemporary politics are ripe for the poking, and Swing Vote does make an obligatory poke or two. But Bud Johnson gets the lion's share of attention, and his lone saving grace, his love for his young daughter, is rarely sufficient to wake him out of a drunken stupor. Swing Vote might raise a chuckle at the U.S. political machine, but the thought of a Bud Johnson directing America's future is almost too frightening to consider.

7.24.2008

2008 Summer Movie Extravaganza Part III

Part III of the Extravaganza continues. Read up on Part I and II to catch up, slowpoke.

WALL-E


The Good: The tale of a lonely robot's galaxy-wide quest for his true love (and incidentally, humanity's lone chance at survival) upholds Pixar's well-deserved reputation for jaw-dropping visuals and touching revelations.

The Bad:
Youngsters won't notice the irony of a Disney film's anti-consumerism message, but it may irk adults... until they find out that WALL-E has been in development since Pixar was independent.

The Delicious:
How WALL-E's cockroach companion never lets a pounding keep him down.

Wanted

The Good:
James McAvoy makes a convincing yuppie-turned-assassin and mows down enemies while looking almost as good as Angelina Jolie.

The Bad: All the kids who'll now think their panic attacks means they can jump fifty yards across rooftops.

The Delicious:
When McAvoy reaps bloody vengeance on a building filled with master assassins.

Hancock

The Good:
Hancock's decision to hire a PR guy to change his image as a drunken, belligerent superhero is the kind of intelligent almost-breaking-the-fourth-wall-but-not-quite plot device that make film and comic geeks smile.

The Bad:
Charlize Theron's entire story arc belonged in a different, more serious movie.

The Delicious:
After Hancock stops a speeding train from killing a bystander, the surrounding mob criticizes his technique.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

The Good:
Wisecracks. Check. Creepy villains. Check. Visuals straight out of a Guillermo Del Toro's movie. Check.

The Bad:
I love Selma Blair, but she was wrong for Liz Sherman in the first Hellboy film and nothing's changed for the second.

The Delicious:
That Prince Nuada sure knows how to fight.

The Dark Knight

The Good:
Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker has the fascinating, disturbing quality of picking a hideous scab -- you can't look away.


The Bad:
Some of the schemes are needlessly complicated. You'll ask yourself afterwards, "why didn't they just __?

The Delicious:
The Joker's "experiments" are common comic book fodder, but for once they look and feel realistic and tense as hell.

Journey to the Center of the Earth

The Good:
The concept of traveling deep inside the Earth is as cool now as it was back in 1959 when the original film came out.

The Bad:
Besides a floating rock sequence there aren't too many genuinely exciting moments.

The Delicious:
It takes balls to disregard physics and the laws of nature so completely.

You want to know who else has balls? The other Large Association of Movie Blogs members. They've got the balls to stuff your face with huge, ripe movie nuggets.

7.21.2008

2008 Summer Movie Extravaganza Part II

Last week I laid out the Good, the Bad, and the Delicious for summer movies from May. Now I turn my critical squint on some more summer films of June.

Kung Fu Panda


The Good: This lighthearted tale of a young panda (voiced by Jack Black) who must slip his bulk into the role of defender against a twisted tiger warrior lays out some meaty martial arts sequences.

The Bad: Virtually no double entendres for the adults.

The Delicious: The opening scene features an edgy style of animation that hopefully pops up in other productions.

Mongol

The Good: Fascinating look into Mongolian way of life as seen through the eyes of young Temudjin, who would become known as Gengis Khan.

The Bad: Stark, beautiful landscapes impart the scenes with epic grandeur but the film's events are surprisingly limited in scope. Of course, expected future installments should fix that.

The Delicious: Rubbing your hands whenever somebody messes with the young Khan and thinking, "Oh, he is going to regret THAT."

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

The Good:
Exudes the happily dumb energy that's been missing from Adam Sandler's previous projects. Contributions from Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow probably deserve the credit.

The Bad: For a film that has a running gag about the lead character's bushel of pubic hair, Zohan is more good-natured than funny.

The Delicious: Watching Nick Swardson come to terms with Zohan "shtupping" his mom. And yes, I had to look that one up.

The Incredible Hulk

The Good: This lighter take on the Green One (compared to Ang Lee's 2003 Hulk) makes its brutal fights more realistic while limiting the emotional baggage to Iron Man's level.

The Bad: Tim Roth's pudgy appearance prior to his transformation from an over-the-hill soldier to genetically-modified killing machine is absurd for an elite commando.

The Delicious:
The Hulk's appearance makes Bruce Banner an outcast in society, but, more importantly, the Hulk stops him from freaking on Liv Tyler.


Get Smart

The Good: Steve Carrell's Maxwell Smart is smarter than the Max of old, but sports a timeless klutziness that would make Don Adams proud.

The Bad: In between hilarious scenes like the airplane jump and the ballroom dance are lengthy periods with few gags worthy of a chuckle.

The Delicious: Watching Max talk down an enemy agent with empathy and a shared love of Ryan Seacrest radio.

Check back for the third and final part in my 2008 Summer Movie Extravaganza and head over to the Large Association of Move Blogs to check out more movie madness.

7.15.2008

2008 Summer Movie Extravaganza

Ever see that martial arts anime Dragonball where the characters charge up their powers all the time and every fourth episode is reserved for, you know, actually fighting? That's how my summer's been so far. Watching movies, charging up. Watching more movies, charging up some more. But now it's time to fight, and by fight I mean lay out the Good, the Bad, and the Delicious for 2008's summer movies.

(And in case you hadn't heard, they're also making Dragonball into a movie. Go figure.)

Fist up, the May movies:


The Good: Robert Downey Jr. was born to play the wisecracking, billionaire playboy genius who fights crime in a mechanized suit of armor.

The Bad: My inner pyro would've enjoyed a few more explosions.

The Delicious:
The way Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepperidge Potts helps Downey Jr. fix up his suit's power source by digging her hand through his mucus-y chest cavity.

Speed Racer

The Good: Of the film's three races, the second, which is the most entertaining, feels like a cross between the Twisted Metal video game franchise and the Cruisin' World arcade game. All three races are possible epileptic attacks in waiting, but the other two races are too confusing to be half as entertaining.

The Bad: The tired plot. It made me nap until my next seizure.

The Delicious: Roger Allam as the oily Mr. Royalton.

What Happens in Vegas

The Good: Virtually painless romantic comedy with likable leads and cute story.

The Bad:
Virtually painless romantic comedy that's as riveting as those What Happens in Vegas ads.

The Delicious: The hilarious banter of sidekicks Lake Bell and Rob Corddry.

Redbelt

The Good: Director David Mamet's latest film follows his tried and true "everything falls apart around an innocent dude" theme but this time the innocent dude is a badass martial arts instructor.

The Bad:
Not much actual martial arts.

The Delicious:
The denouement doesn't make much sense, but righteous ass kicking can be very satisfying to watch.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

The Good: Graphic fairy tale battles make the adventures of adolescent Brits much darker and much more palatable for adults.

The Bad: Ben Barnes is British, so I can understand the need to change Prince Caspian's accent. But why did he have to choose one that sounds like he's talking with underwear stuffed in his mouth -- and dirty underwear at that?

The Delicious:
Judging the sexual tension between Prince Caspian and High King Peter.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The Good: Harrison Ford still has the physique and the charm to pull off a fedora.

The Bad: Unfortunately, everything else is a drop off from previous films as the Russkies stand in for the Nazis and a hokey crystal skull replaces the holy grail.

The Delicious: Shia LeBeouf's greaser character is too lightweight to carry on the Indy torch, as Spielberg has hinted is possible, but Shia's charismatic enough to put his own spin on the franchise.

Next up are the June and July summer movie breakdowns. Visit the Large Association of Movie Blogs for more movie potpourri but without the woodsy aromas.

6.17.2008

A Quick Laugh

The last several weeks have seen me devour movies, both new and old, the same way Homer Simpson eats donuts. I think my brain is about as full as Homer's gut too.

I'll be writing plenty of thoughts and reviews, but I felt like priming the pump with a skit by the comedy troupe Human Giant that tore me up.

5.26.2008

Great Moments in Indiana Jones History

Hana, Maui, which is where I spent most of this past week, boasts an other-worldly bamboo forest, breathtaking nude beaches, and internet access as reliable as a dead cat. At least that's my excuse for skimping on Indiana Jones posts when the Fedora-ed One is kind of a big deal around here and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull debuted in theaters last Thursday.

It should come as no surprise that a town without wireless signals or sports bars (no NBA Western Conference Finals!) also didn't have a theater. So consider me doubly guilty for not having even seen the latest Indy film. I'll be correcting that unfortunate oversight in a matter of hours, but before I go, I'd like to share a few sparkling moments from the previous Indiana Jones films with you all.


The Showdown - According to rumor, which I believe in this case, Harrison Ford wasn't feeling up to filming a lengthy fight with the swordsman in Raiders of the Ark. Rather than attempting the demanding stunt sequences, he instead suggested shooting this alternate version (pun intended).



The Hitler Autograph - Previously in this scene, Indy confronted Dr. Elsa Schneider for the Grail Diary in The Last Crusade and their dark exchange of threats lays a beautiful setting for this unexpected turn of events.



The Truck Chase - Spielberg outdid himself in choreographing a chase scene from Raiders that blended thrilling action with equal parts humor and violence. Only in an Indiana Jones movie can a guy get squashed by the protagonist and the audience chuckles at his death. His being a Nazi probably helps too.


Head for the Fireplace! - It's obvious that my favorite scenes brim with humor and this brief clip from The Last Crusade is no exception. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the entire scene but even these few seconds detail the natural chemistry between Harrison Ford and "dear old dad" Sean Connery.

I could go on and on but I'd like to hear which are your favorite scenes from the Indiana Jones series?

And for more great moments in cinema history, check out the movie blogs over at The Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) for more humor and violence.

5.17.2008

Plot Farming

Don't forget to partake in the absurdly refreshing pastime that is poll-voting over at the Large Association of Movie Blogs. Piper, of Lazy Eye Theater fame, recently hosted another installment in the Plot Farm contest where wannabe plot-ists, such as myself, wrote up a dazzling new storyline using a series of random words and phrases. My entry focuses on a lost monkey spreading a highly arousing perfume across the nation -- think Outbreak but with an epidemic of dry humping.

Do not fight the horny monkey; just obey its wishes and vote for the best plot -- mine!

5.16.2008

Three Reasons You Might Enjoy What Happens in Vegas (Seriously)

One day every year I try to be a good son, which is how I found myself sitting in What Happens in Vegas on Mother’s Day. While I never expected to see the film, I wasn’t surprised to see a herd of couples in the theater grazing on milk duds and licorice (this was a “date movie” if I ever saw one). However, for a film banking on the sex appeal of two young hotties (Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz, who are forced to endure a sham marriage to split 3 mil in Vegas winnings), the audience was unusually… well seasoned. Even during the previews I could still make out the tap tap of white nursing shoes and the rustling of hairy knuckles reaching for popcorn.

This is an awful poster. I promise the film contains fewer expressions of douchebaggery

My geriatric peeps got pretty rowdy once the film began and, surprisingly enough, I laughed just as much because What Happens in Vegas wasn’t half bad. Low expectations may have fueled some of my enjoyment but the film deserves at least a couple bars of kudos.

Here then are a few reasons you too might enjoy What Happens in Vegas.

Kelso stars in Vegas in spirit only

Ashton Kutcher"That 70s Show" ended with a whimper a couple of years ago, but during its heyday the sitcom mined plenty of laughs from its I-wish-I-were-that-clever teenage snarkfest and, more often than not, Kutcher’s gray matter-challenged Michael Kelso was on the receiving end of the snarking (burned!). In Vegas, Ashton takes a Kelso-like character to the big screen, albeit an older and (slightly) more intelligent version – a Kelso 2.0 if you will. Kutcher makes the transition work by restraining his penchant for overacting and lets the steady stream of amusing (if not hilarious) scenes do the heavy lifting.

Sidekicks done right
Rob Corddry was atrocious in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, forced to push a one-laugh gag (if that) as an idiotic government agent to nearly half an hour of screen time (or maybe it just felt that way). This time Corddry plays Ashton Kutcher’s lawyer friend who bears a gratifying resemblance to his obtuse and playfully combative Daily Show correspondent persona. Less is more for comedic sidekicks and Corddry stays scarce enough to keep his bald-headed brand of humor golden. Also, wait past the credits for Lake Bell’s best contribution to the film. You’ll know what I’m talking about.

Surprisingly Touching Moments – The script putters itself into the cringe-worthy practice of describing relationships in gambling terms (“I’m ready to bet on you”) but I give props to screenwriter Dana Fox for including believable “aha” moments where the main stars begin that gushy slide into mutual attraction. I don’t want to spoil any major developments (not that you won’t see everything coming) but the courtship is refreshingly chaste and gives more credibility to the budding romance than the average rom-com.

Plastic sofa covers are like bling for your living room

Whatever Happens in Vegas is an excellent “date movie” and also, apparently, an awesome break from shopping for plastic sofa covers. But even if you don’t fit into those categories you now have three reasons to check it out. And now for my obligatory shout-out for the Large Association of Movie Blogs, where movie-goers both young and decrepit are always welcome.

5.11.2008

My Mom's Ten Word Movie Review: Made of Honor

My mom went to see Patrick Dempsey in Made of Honor the other day. I might have checked it out as well but I came down with a sudden case of masculinity.


Here's my mom's review:

"It satisfied my girlie movie fix."

And don't forget to satisfy your other movie needs at the Large Association of Movie Blogs.

5.08.2008

Discovering Downey Jr.: Beyond Iron Man

Now that Iron Man is a bonafide hit, Robert Downey Jr. looks set to make the figurative leap onto Hollywood's A-List. For those wanting to bone up on Junior's past films, here are a few movies I think show the actor at his neurotic, brilliant best. Your mileage may vary.

There's more to RD Jr. than creepy goatees and glowing palms

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - In my favorite film of the bunch, Downey seems to play himself if he were a small-time crook mistakenly cast as an actor in a crime drama and instructed to ride shotgun with a gay private detective (played by an appropriately smug Val Kilmer) to develop his character. Along the way, Downey's loveable screwup runs into an old flame whose sister's death prompts a real investigation that sizzles with neo-film noir style and whip smart dialogue.

Only You - I'm a sucker for (some) romantic comedies and Downey -- again playing himself, it seems -- falls hard for Marisa Tomei during an Italian rendezvous that flips the concept of soul mates on its head (Doesn't it sound like I'm writing an IMDB plot summary?). Expect the usual twists but the chemistry between the two leads is undeniable and makes for great fun that you can never admit to your friends (if you're a guy).

Chaplin - Downey takes a break from starring as himself to portray Charlie Chaplin in the film that garnered him an Oscar nod for Best Actor. He didn't win, but Chaplin remains Downey Jr.'s most critically acclaimed role to date.

Wonder Boys - Michael Douglas and Tobey Maguire take center stage in this comedic gem as a struggling English professor and his troubled star student but Robert Downey Jr. steals most of his scenes as the book editor who speaks and acts a lot like every other Downey character, which is to say, hilariously. And did I mention the film is based on Michael Chabon's book of the same name?

Did I miss any other Robert Downey Jr. films worth seeing? Leave your recommendations in the comments section.

And don't forget to check out the Large Association of Movie Blogs for your one-stop resource of movie blogs written by other guys who secretly like romantic comedies but aren't man enough to admit it.

5.04.2008

Ten Word Movie Reviews: The Forbidden Kingdom

I'm reintroducing a favorite segment of mine: Ten Word (or less) Movie Reviews.

The Jackie Chan and Jet Li martial arts vehicle The Forbidden Kingdom gets the first treatment with a round of family reviews.

From me:

"Karate Kid goes fantastical and contracts some epic yellow fever."

The father unit:

"Imagine Wizard of Oz with Jet Li and Jackie Chan."

And the maternal unit:

"It was ok. It wasn't the best."

Go ahead and add your own ten word (or less) movie review of The Forbidden Kingdom in the comments section. Also, head over to the Large Association of Movie Blogs for more sweaty movie review action.

4.21.2008

The 2008 LAMMYS

Yesterday, Fletch over at The Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) finally lifted the curtain from the mysterious project he's hinted at for the last three (!) weeks. And underneath? The 2008 LAMMYS -- Grammy-style awards for the best and... the best of the rest. Here's a dollop of the categories lifted directly from the LAMB site.

Proving you can still enter a competition without getting heckled by Tibetan protesters

Best Blog The self-explanatory big kahuna.

Best Theme
This could be anything, from a blog devoted solely to sound editing to a blog devoted to the work of Clint Howard.

Most Prolific Who makes you wonder how they sleep at night? Time to let them know their never-ending quest is worthwhile.

Best Use of Widgetology Anyone can place a number of widgets on their site, but the right mix and placement of widgets can turn a boring site into a great one. Who does it best?

Best Use of Technology (Alternative Media)
This award is for the person who thinks the best outside the literary box, from effective use of video to photo manipulation to...well, you name it.

Most Likely to Get Paid for Blogging
Our version of "Most Likely to Succeed."

This contest should be great fun for all current LAMB members but everyone else will have to drool from the outside like Tiny Tim slobbering from a window since nominations and voting are limited to those in the club. If you want to be included in future events then scoot your butt over to the Large Association of Movie Blogs and contact Fletch for the initiation rites.

4.11.2008

Suzanne Stone Maretto Needs Your Help! Again!

It's Round Two in the Sirens of the LAMBs contest wherein The Spoon's sponsored femme fatale, Suzanne Stone (To Die For), takes on Kyra (The Chronicles of Riddick).

Head over to the Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) for the full match up, but here's a quick preview: Suzanne ensnares Kyra in a shopping frenzy gone sexily lethal while Kyra invokes her inner survivor to outlast Suzanne.

Voting ends Saturday afternoon so make certain you go vote now before Suzanne Stone has to teach you a lesson.

The Rolling Stones star in Shine a Light

Halfway through Shine a Light a reporter sticks his microphone towards Mick Jagger's baby-smooth face and asks the singer if he can imagine performing on stage when he's sixty. Without a hint of humor or cockiness The Rolling Stone's frontman replies, "Easily."


Warning: Staring at Mick Jagger's hips may cause impure dreams

Martin Scorsese inserts many such news clips throughout footage from two of The Stones' performances in New York City's Beacon Theater in late 2006. The result can barely be called a documentary because of its superficial nature that rarely delves deeper than Jagger and the band's wrinkled surface but the film nonetheless succeeds as an energetic tribute to The Stones' endurance and remarkable showmanship.

I can admit that I didn't know much Rolling Stones history walking into the theater and upon leaving I didn't know much more; Shine a Light isn't that kind of movie.

Even calling Shine a Light a movie is a bit of a stretch. The tagline on the film's poster reads "Experience it in IMAX" and "experience" is a far more accurate description of the film. Scorsese mercifully avoids a "Behind the Music" story arc and focuses primarily on the Stones' Beacon Theater performance and for the most part this works just fine, especially if you've never seen the band live and, even if you have, I guarantee that you've never seen them this close before.


Keith Richards looks fabulous for a ninety-four year old guy. Too bad he's actually sixty-four

Jagger, Richards, Watts, and Wood burst off the screen thanks to endlessly creative camera angles and borderline-obscene clarity. The camera work is akin to watching a Stones' live performance on a front row chair sprinkled in fairy dust that can swoop and float across the stage. The level of definition is equally incredible; close ups of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards' faces will leave you swearing you've accidentally wandered into a recreation of the moon landing.

But looking great is only one part of the equation and, thankfully, The Stones justify Scorcese's interest and prove they can still bring the noise. The band is loud and exhilarating and Mick Jagger is, bar none, the best sixty-something stage performer out there. He might not have the same vocal strength he used to, but his ability to prance and sing without degenerating into Darth Vader huffing is nearly as superb as his obvious physical conditioning. The man is ripped ten ways from Sunday.

Balancing out Mick Jagger's unnatural sinuous grace is Keith Richards' awkward "dance moves, " which include circling Ronnie Wood like a scuttling crab and flicking guitar picks into the audience. Meanwhile Charlie Watts never fails to look like a five-foot pole resides underneath his buttock and Ronnie Wood does his best Rod Stewart impersonation, but watching each band members' quirks is surprisingly entertaining.

Shine a Light would have been even more entertaining with additional archived footage to inject further texture into the performance. Martin Scorsese obviously wanted to make a film that was loud, fun, and easy to digest but he missed out on an obvious opportunity to give Shine greater staying power.

For example, Keith Richards sings vocals later in the set list. Musically, Richards' performance is the weakest portion of the concert and the film, but Scorsese offsets the lull by inserting more interviews. In one interview he and Ronnie Wood joke about who is the better guitarist and their banter flavors the glowing nods they threw each other while rocking out on stage. In another interview, Richards shies away from discussing his numerous addictions and dangerous lifestyle and credits his survival to luck. These snippets add extra wrinkles to The Rolling Stones' performance and infuse a greater sense of perspective and accomplishment. It's a shame more weren't included.

If you've already seen the Stones live or have watched a true documentary on the band's history then Shine a Light will no doubt prove a redundant experience. But if you've done neither, then do yourself a favor and check out Shine before it leaves theaters because it's almost, but not quite, as good as the real thing.

Head on over to the Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) for more sites filled with movie reviews. Tell me them I sent you and you'll probably get kicked out so try to put in a good word for me.

4.02.2008

Great Stubble in TV and Film

Dr. Evil once said "there's nothing like a shorn scrotum -- it's breathtaking." Now I don't want to get into a debate about the merits of hairless scrota (that could take hours) but I would like to honor those men who buck the shearing trend and make face whiskers look good.

In no particular order...



Patrick Dempsey (Grey's Anatomy) - Without any stubble, Dr. Derek Shepherd is simply a mild-mannered doctor with great hair. Add the grizzle and he's every woman's fantasy: a hottie doctor that she can pretend is also a bad boy. (Dr. Shepherd might actually be a bad boy; I don't know since I've never seen the show, but if I did watch it, it'd be because of the stubble -- and Katherine Heigl).



Kiefer Sutherland (24) - The Kief almost got onto this list with The Lost Boys, but the mullet doesn't age nearly as well as the face whiskers. Fortunately Jack Bauer is man enough to make the cut in between his hectic schedule of saving the country and serving jail time.



Don Johnson (Miami Vice) - Nobody has done more to further the cause of facial stubble while simultaneously retarding America's fashion sense. Don Johnson tried to recreate the magic years later in Nash Bridges but his second biggest mistake was leaving the stubble in the 80s (the biggest mistake was using the name Nash Bridges).



Zachary Quinto (Heroes) - Skylar figures to be one of the less conflicted characters in Heroes (kill, kill, absorb powers!) but Zachary brings "texture" to his role with a truly magnificent five-o-clock shadow. Watching him makes you wish you'd been blessed with such facial-growth powers.



Brett Favre - (NFL - Retired) When Brett Favre retired the NFL lost not only an iconic iron man but also the grizzliest face in the league. I dare you to find a picture of Brett Favruh without any stubble -- that photo does not exist. This man embodies all the qualities that facial stubble stands for with his toughness, recklessness, and never-say-die-ness.



Matthew Fox (Lost) - After watching Dr. Jack Shephard tramp about a mysterious island for the last few years wearing a luxuriant face rug, you might be tempted to chalk the perfect growth up to another strange island power. And then you'd look at Hurley. Jack's natural charisma is greatly enhanced by his scruff that lets his frightened followers know that, despite his Ivy League education and occasional aloofness, he's just as stinky as them.



Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones) - I've already expounded Indiana's Greatness here at The Spoon, but it bears repeating that Indy is the pinnacle, nay, the apotheosis, of every-man-ness. He's smart, funny, resourceful, compassionate and he knows how to handle a whip. His man-scruff simply drives home how comfortable he is in his own well-worn shoes. Truly, he is a role model for our times.



Dylan McDermott (Big Shots) - The McDermott take on face stubble manages to combine arrogance and disdain with a playful boyishness. I'm not really certain how he does it, but his character Duncan Collingsworth (the name even sounds pretentious) really should be an unforgivable a-hole but isn't. I think the love-able scruff is a big part of the reason why.



Hugh Laurie (House) - By far the ugliest growth on this list belongs to the character who is possibly the most brilliant. Dr. House understands that the best way to prevent your genius medical abilities from putting off people (remember, he's a teddy bear deep down inside) is to grow a "pubical" concoction on your face. It doesn't look good, which almost made me pull House from this list, but the faux-surly doc would fail to garner much sympathy without the scruff.

That's my personal list for the greatest stubble in TV and film but I'm sure I left out a bunch. Feel free to let me know who your nominations are by commenting below.

Also, check out the Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB) for a wide variety of, you guessed it, movie blogs about other fun movie topics and possibly even more facial stubble discussions (though I doubt it).

3.29.2008

12:01: The Reality

You remember 12:01, right? The Jonathon Silverman vehicle of the early 90s that starred Silverman as an office worker who, through a fortunate accident, is the only person on the planet not caught in a time-loop that reboots everyday at 12:01am?

Even if you do remember that goofy, sci-fi flick, chances are you're unaware they're making a sequel -- but this time in reality. Dun dun dun!


Better watch all your favorite Jonathon Silverman movies before the world ends/gets caught in perpetual time-loops

According to an article in the New York Times, scientists from the European Center for Nuclear Research or CERN (which is most definitely an evil organization-sounding name if I've ever heard one) have spent 14 years and $8 billion dollars building the "Large Hadron Collider" (again, evil-sounding) which is designed to "recreate energies and conditions last seen a trillionth of a second after the Big Bang." Harmless enough, right?

But scientists like Walter Wagner and Luis Sancho are concerned that CERN hasn't taken the necessary safety precautions and believe the Large Hadron Collider could potentially produce a black hole. And not just the tiny kind that Stephen Hawking predicted would evaporate like a fart lit on fire, but a big, nasty one like a fart powered by cans and cans of refried beans and then lit on fire for all of eternity.

The scientist types are abuzz with black holes fears, but if I remember correctly the time-loop in 12:01 began with a similar experiment in particle collisions. Mmmmm.

So if in the future you notice that your day is repeating again and again 12:01 style, or you've been sucked into a nasty black hole, don't say I didn't warn you.

For more discussions about movie-related doomsday scenarios (not really) visit Large Association of Movie Blogs!

3.27.2008

Looking Ahead: Baby Mama Preview

Tina Fey is no doubt one of the rising stars in comedy, not unlike a female Judd Apatow. Every one of Ms. Fey's projects, from Weekend Update at SNL, to Mean Girls, to 30 Rock, has sparkled with her whip-smart take on the absurdities of every day life. Her latest project, Baby Mama, is due out April 25th and I have no problem admitting that I'm interested in the flick despite its estrogen-heavy premise. Fey, a single woman desperate for motherhood, recruits a childish, none-too-bright girl (Amy Poehler) to be her surrogate.

I couldn't find a movie poster so this'll have to do. Oh well.

Reuniting Tina Fey and Amy Poehler is a no-brainer recipe for a sharp, snarky film but I'm not sure if the premise will prove adequately substantive for this talented cast (which also features Greg Kinnear, Sigourney Weaver, Romany Malco, and Dax Shephard - remember him?). Writer/director Michael McCullers is an SNL veteran but that's not necessarily a good thing in a movie director as most SNL movies tend to suffer from skit-itis and feel like a five minute skit stretched out to 105.

If anyone can play a semi-retarded surrogate who can't operate a child-proofed toilet it's Amy Poeher. She's got charm for days, but very few people outside of Will Ferrell can play semi-retarded goofballs for an entire movie and not incur viewer's eternal hatred. It's going to take strong performances by both Fey, Kinnear, and others to balance out the gross-out antics of Poehler's woman-child.



Despite these questions, Baby Mama is the only way to get a Tina Fey fix outside of reruns so I predict it'll do reasonably well in the box office. Personally, I'm not sold enough on the film to risk the social stigma of actually watching Baby Mama in the theaters with a pair of fully functional testicles.

What do you guys think of Baby Mama?

For more movie goodness check out the Large Association of Movie Blogs!

3.26.2008

Vote Today! -- At The LAMB

The U.S. presidential elections aren't for a while, but that doesn't mean you can't get your vote on now.

I know I already used this picture but I still like looking at it

Over at The LAMB (Large Association of Movie Blogs), Suzanne Stone (To Die For) is fighting for her life against Zoe (Serenity). Help her kick some Firefly butt and give her your vote to send Suzanne into the second round to wreak her seductive brand of chaos.

3.25.2008

The Spoon Prognosis: Healthy, Constipated

I'd like to calm any nervous readers out there: The Spoon is not on hiatus. However, The Spoon's chief operating station (ie: my computer) suffered through a medley of hiccups and coughs that took a couple of weeks to clear up. Everything has been successfully resolved and you can expect much more stuff to grace these virtual pages as I push out some creative backlog.

A podcast is in the works... but I probably shouldn't even be talking about it

One item to expect is an upcoming movie review which I've already begun podcasting about with my secret team. It's still early in development and I probably shouldn't even be talking about it, but I'm excited about the opportunity to branch out and touch you with my voice as well as my words.

Stay tuned.

3.10.2008

Attack of the Femmes Fatales

Nick over at the LAMB page came up with a very interesting idea to pit cinematic femme fatales against each other in a single-elimination narrative battle style tournament. Each participant chooses a femme fatale from any movie and must explain why his/her siren would defeat the other. Obviously it's called "The Sirens of the LAMBS."

I'm participating, of course, so check back for an update when my femme fatale, Suzanne Stone Maretto from To Die For, takes on Zoe from Serenity. The rest of the competition is stiff as well and includes the likes of The Bride, Nikita, and Bonnie Parker among others.

The action will be hot, heavy, and most likely lethal. Check it out.

3.05.2008

The Spoon... Podcast?

In my return to the basics ("Movies. Stuff. More Stuff.") I'm contemplating taking The Spoon onto some radiation waves some radio waves a podcast near you!

As part of that movement, I'll also be reintroducing non-Lost content back onto the site. I fully intend to complete my analysis of every major Lost character but I'll be interspersing it with other stuff. "What other stuff?" you may be asking yourself.

That's an excellent question.

My current vision for the site is to move towards shorter, more frequent posts about recent movies, classic movies, and, of course, Lost. I'll consider discussing other televisions shows but only if they feature time-warping islands and smoke monsters. The Spoon will continue to be gossip free and tuna safe.

I realize my vision is pretty hazy and that's partially intentional; I'm still figuring out what I'm going to do. The how of it is also something I'd like to bring up.

You may notice a new widget to the right of this post. I set up a small donation fund for The Spoon as a way of paying for tickets and other stuff (microphones, adapters, etc.) that will allow me to keep doing what I love: discussing movies and making a fool of myself.

Leave a comment if you have any ides or suggestions for the site and my possible podcast. Or you can email me at my brand new address inthespoon@gmail.com.

2.14.2008

Lost Character Analysis Part 4

My mega Lost character analysis series continues today with Desmond Hume, but before I begin I’d like to make a few observations about Season 4’s Confirmed Dead episode. Expect spoilers so run over to ABC.com to watch the most recent episodes if you don’t want me to ruin your fun.

The second episode of the fourth season, Confirmed Dead, focused heavily on the introduction of four new characters and we’ve already been given brief glimpses of their recent pasts. If these characters were simply more castaways then I would question their addition but these four provide an entirely new slant on the same mysteries (Dharma Initiative, Ben Linus, polar bears) that we’ve already been pondering. And who’s that black dude working for Oceanic? I wouldn’t want to run into him in a dark alley but I’d sure like to ask him some questions. Obviously Oceanic knows more about the situation then they’re letting on.

According to Wikipedia the next several episodes will return focusing on our original Losties so Confirmed Dead brought us up to speed on the new guys and now we can take off running. My main complaint with the episode was that not a lot happened, but that’s an understandable obstacle when four new bodies have to be introduced and fleshed out.

"Do you have a wee bit o' toilet paper, brother? I got a 'fighter.'"

Desmond Hume – Speaking of Season Four, what the hell happened to Desmond? As far as I can tell he isn’t with Sayid and Jack’s bunch (though Wikipedia says that he is) and I don’t remember seeing him with Locke’s posse either. He’s something of a wildcard and that’s really been the case since the beginning.

Desmond was introduced in the topsy-turvy first episodes of season two as the man who continuously saved the world by entering the same sequence of numbers every 108 minutes. When his world-saving device was shot up he bolted and didn’t reappear until his sailboat returned as if he were sailing in a “snowglobe.”

If all that weren’t enough, Desmond appears to be clairvoyant since initiating the hatch’s fail safe mechanism. He helped Charlie avoid his death a number of times before helping him sacrifice himself to bring what they believed was a rescue attempt.

Desmond has received much less air-time than the other main Losties (Jack, Kate, Sawyer, etc.) but he’s proven to be no less important to their continued chances for survival. His history with his long-suffering girlfriend Penelope, who apparently will stop at nothing at finding him, as well as his connection with a number of other island folk (Libby) makes him feel like something of a plot device. A potential ace in the hole to bail writers out of jams and keep plots moving.

I do believe the writers have a far-reaching goal for Lost, but it doesn’t hurt having a guy who can “know” things he shouldn’t when you’re trying to handle as many loose threads as Lost tosses around.

I have absolutely no evidence to back me up on this, but Desmond is the type of character I would predict is inside that coffin in Jack’s flash forward. Desmond is somewhat removed from everyone and because of his clairvoyance he is always in a position to take incredible momentous actions and divide everyone’s feelings towards him. Of course, a ton of other people fit this role as well but Desmond isn’t the first person you’d think of which makes him the first person I do think of.

Biggest Questions: Where is he? What else does he know that he isn’t telling anybody? Will he ever reunite with Penelope? Will he be in the coffin and make me sound like a genius? Please?

2.12.2008

My (noncomprehensive) Bucket List

I don’t usually write memes, much less memes about my own death, but I’ll make an exception at my blogging buddy Sarah’s request. This time.

I’m supposed to come up with a list of activities I’d like to do before I “kick the bucket” aka die a grisly death. I assume that’s what it means because I never actually saw The Bucket List. I’m planning to watch The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby first to get in the mood.

Me being me, I decided to change the rules. Instead of just writing about any old thing to do before croaking, I’m going to compose my list entirely of activities ripped out of movies. This is a movie-based blog after all and I should also note that I’m ignoring the laws of physics, good taste, and proper etiquette.

On to my (noncomprehensive) Bucket List:

Sweet Ride

- Ride a hover board (Back to the Future Part 2)
Michael J. Fox stole a pink board from a little girl in the future and ever since I saw that I too have wanted to steal a pink hover board from a little girl in the future.

- Eat colorful gruel (Hook)
Food that colorful has to taste good. But does it give a growing boy all the minerals and vitamins he needs? Will it prevent any scurvy relapses?

"Nice to meet you Elsa, but I have a man-date with Matt"

- Visit Venice with Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)
I’m not proposing to take Dr. Elda Schneider’s place but I wouldn’t mind going on a pleasant man-date with Indy. I also wouldn’t be opposed to a gondola ride afterwards.

- Drape myself in velvet for one day (Seinfield)
I don’t particularly care for velvet but there must be a good reason why George Costanza wanted to wear it all day every day.

- Knock up Katherine Heigl and force her to marry me (Knocked Up)
Getting Katherine Hiegle to marry me does seem a bit far-fetched but it’s all part of my plan. If Katherine doesn’t work out then I would also accept Salma Hayek (Fools Rush In).

Consider yourself tagged if you want to write a movie-based Bucket List. But keep your mitts of Katherine and Salma – they’re both mine.

2.07.2008

The LAMB Devours the Oscars


Check out some excellent previews of the upcoming Academy Awards over at the Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB). Each awards category (every stinkin' one!) has been covered by a LAMB member and the latest entry was written by yours truly.

I promise you won't not not be not loving it!

*Image used without permission from Large Ass. of Movie Blogs. I dare them to punish me.

2.05.2008

Lost Character Analysis Part 3

My Lost character breakdown continues with Sawyer. The fourth season has already begun so let’s get this baby crackin’. (Also check out Parts 1, and Parts 2)

With the exception of these lenses, Sawyer gets my vote for
"best dressed on a deserted island"

James “Sawyer” Ford – Sawyer emerged early in the first season as the most naturally multi-faceted character on the island (with the possible exception of Locke), and a surprisingly likeable guy. For while Kate and Jack struggled with the consequences of crimes of passion and a lifetime of overbearing parenting, Sawyer’s hurts were at once more painful and more complex and how can you not root for the kid whose parents murdered/suicide-d each other?

Sawyer’s first major episode, Confidence Man, ranks among my favorites in the entire series. From the very first episodes the writers spent a considerable amount of time building up the mysterious back-stories of characters like Kate, Jack, and Locke. Sawyer seemed like a central character but he also seemed far more one-dimensional compared to his fellow Losties; he was obviously a con-man through and through. So when Confidence Man revealed exactly how Sawyer found himself on that road the effect was both unexpected and powerful. Josh Holloway also deserves major props for making Sawyer a bonafide a-hole and cocky bastard and still effectively communicate a(n) (occasionally) tender heart hidden underneath the slick exterior. I suppose he’s also kind of hunky if you’re into grizzled sneers and a well-defined rectus abdominis.

Season 2 and 3 kept Sawyer playing mostly to his character strengths as the bad boy dealing in quips and behind-the-scenes manipulation. His fighting exhibition while captive by the Others was a nice reminder that he had some bite behind his bark. I don’t think he belongs with Kate (they’re both too self-absorbed), but they’re chemistry as prisoners in captivity was undeniable.

Since returning to the camp Sawyer has acted a bit too much like a cat that’s been de-clawed. He gets manipulated by Hurley into acting nice and he spends his days playing ping-pong. I like seeing his softer side, but with the exception of his murder of Locke’s father – the man who conned his parents into death – Sawyer has effectively receded into the background.

In the first episode of Season 4 we saw Sawyer join up with Locke. We also heard Hurley say that following Locke was a mistake. It’s pretty difficult to figure out the specifics of that statement at this point, but since Hurley made it off the island with Jack and Kate then conceivably Sawyer could also be part of the “Oceanic Six.”

Biggest Questions: Did Sawyer make it off the island? Will he keep “surviving?” Did he knock up Kate? Will he end up with her? Will we ever get to see a flashback to a time when Sawyer paid for sex?
[To be continued]

1.22.2008

Remembering Heath Ledger

Heath in happier times

I was going to write a post entitled 10 Things to Remember about Heath Ledger before I realized I didn't know 10 things about Heath Ledger to begin with. And that realization partly explains why his death is so tragic; Heath was one of the guys you didn't see in the tabloids or hear about in nasty rumors. He had a private life that seemed devoid of the indulgences and scandals so common with other young stars and starlets. Heath seemed like one of the "good guys."

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain (though I plan to) but I know Mr. Ledger took his job seriously. I know he took roles like Casanova to keep his fans happy while he yearned to explore more complex characters. In the New York Times article describing his death, one of his quotes summed up his acting ambitions:
there are many stories inside of me and a lot I want to achieve outside of one flat note.

The Dark Knight is due out this summer and by that time more information about the conditions surrounding Heath Ledger's death will be available. No matter what details may arise, nothing will prevent this from being a sad and tragic event.

1.19.2008

Lost Character Analysis Part 2

I'm working my way through all the major Lost characters from A-Z (by last name). Check out Part 1 here. Now enjoy Part 2:

I wonder if I'd look that good after 48 days without a shower

Ana Lucia Cortez - In retrospect it's a little ironic that Michelle Rodriguez got to play a disgraced ex-cop, but she's made a career out of tough chick roles and the character of Ana Lucia was no big departure from her previous work.


Ana Lucia was at her best as the militant, tortured (slash torturer -- zing!) leader of the "tailies" in "The Other 48 Days." I'd even go so far as to say that that was one of my all-time favorite episodes because it captured much of the same horror and fear of the unknown that we saw in the original series pilot. In fact, "The Other 48 Days" may have been better than the pilot in some ways since it was like watching all of Season 1 condensed into a single episode and then mashed together with the violence of a survival horror flick. Ana Lucia was a great leader for the "tailies" because she seemed to have a bead on what was going on, but in reality she was as vulnerable as her less aggressive survivors and their dark fate was a nice contrast to the relatively easy-going existence of the "middlies."

I'm going to pause a moment here because I think the Season 1 version of the Others deserves special mention. Remember how they were barefooted boogeymen with super strength and a disturbing, but nameless, purpose? Back then the Others were almost like a physical manifestation of the island's strangeness -- made even more threatening than the smoke monster because the Others pretended to be like you.

It's pointless to imagine Lost going in another direction than the arrogant, talkative bunch they later morphed into but I still get shivers remembering the way Ethan looked at Claire with his dead, cold eyes before absconding with her and Charlie and then leaving him to test a tree branch's tensile strength with his neck.

Pause over.

Once Ana Lucia made it to the "middlie's" camp her character was pretty much dead in the water. Other than killing off dead wood like Shannon, she floated by on the periphery without making much of a splash except for that time she raped Sawyer. Good times.

Ana Lucia's backstory was never completed before her death at Michael's hands, but I don't see her contributing in any significant way in the rest of the series. R.I.P. muchacha.

Biggest Questions: Did she get caught for shooting that dude in cold blood? Does it even matter if she did? Do you miss the old version of the Others as much as I do?

Yeah, Michael Dawson rocks the man-bag.
And if you laugh at him he'll straight up sell you to the Others


Michael Dawson - I'll admit that I grew tired of Michael's oft repeated line: I want [gasp] [gasp] my son [sad eyes] back! [spittle leaks from mouth] so I was perfectly fine with his departure in Season 2.

Back in Season 1 I was never entirely satisfied with the Michael-Walt domineering parent dynamic, but at least their relationship progressed some (I'm looking at you Kate and Jack). And when we saw more of Michael's back story in which his wife forced him to give up custody of Walt, I actually developed a soft spot for Michael. Let's just say that my family's ties are pretty darn strong so watching Michael's wife ask him to give up his son and then suggest his reluctance was borne out of selfishness made my ears practically smoke. The nerve of that woman!

I also liked the emotional impact Michael suffered through in Season 1's cliffhanger when Walt was taken by the Others. Like I said before, this was back when the Others were mysterious and threatening and "Mr. Friendly's" laugh was pretty damn spooky.

Unfortunately, by Season 2 Michael was like a robot that could only scream and moan about his son and all the respect and empathy I had built up for him over the first season got blown out like the "smoke monster" erupting from my hienie. Then he finally went psycho and killed off Ana Lucia, who didn't serve much of a purpose at that point, and Libby, who was just becoming interesting, and then he ran off again with Walt. Good riddance, I thought at the time.

But by now you've probably heard how Michael will return as a full cast member in Season 4. One big question now is whether Michael will play his part in the "present" or the "flash future" or both. Of course, there's also the possibility that Michael was the body in the coffin which would also account for Kate's dismissal of him, though like I said before there are simply too many variables to settle on just one dead body definitively.

My guess is that Michael will return to the island in the "present" because the flash forwards, and even the flash backs (I've read they'll both be in Season 4), won't offer enough air-time to warrant full time cast membership. In storyline terms, Michael will probably be messed up emotionally and I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Walt died or that they're somehow separated again because if Michael and Walt are together, then Michael would have nothing to do with the other "losties." Something is going to have to drive him back into the lives of Jack and Kate and that something has to be big to reunite a guy with the people he sold out and left for dead.

Biggest Questions: What has Michael been doing since he left the island? What will he do when he comes back, wherever, and whenever, that might be? Will he ever shut up about Walt?

Don't worry ladies, I'll post a pic of Paulo in a thong or something

Nikki Fernandez - Nikki is my personal, hands-down winner for hottest Lost castaway. Sure she was a greedy, manipulative she-dog of a woman, but what a great looking she-dog she was.

I watched Season 3 in maybe three or four days, so I didn't have an issue with her and Paulo's sudden appearance on the island though I can understand the regular audience's anger. Everyone must have felt they were wasting time on these newcomers while more important mysteries remained unsolved and more important relationships remained unconsummated (that's you again, Kate and Jack).

I did enjoy Nikki and Paolo's death episode if for no other reason than we got a short breather from the heaviness of the other island mysteries. Seeing Nikki in a sequined bikini didn't hurt either. I thought her death was very Edgar Allen Poe-ish and it felt almost satisfying to see the "Losties" killing somebody else for a change, even if it was one of their own.

Biggest Questions: Will anybody else on Lost wear a bikini as well as Nikki did?

[More to come]

1.17.2008

Lost Character Analysis Part 1

If you’ve stopped by The Spoon anytime in the last couple of weeks you know I’ve been watching Lost nonstop like Alex DeLarge in A Clockwork Orange. Except I’m not being re-conditioned for anything – at least, I don’t think I am. Lost has made me doubt a lot of things about myself. For example, sometimes when I fart I’m not sure if it’s actually me or if it’s the “smoke monster” trailing behind my buttocks. And I can’t remember if I was the person who set my alarm clock to go off every 108 minutes and play “Make Your Own Kind of Music.” Yeah, I’m kind of messed up.

In any case, I’ll be breaking down each of Lost’s major characters according to my thoughts, theories, and occasional whims. Lost has a huge cast so I’ll divide this discussion into a few parts and post a new section every few days. Just to mess with you all (not unlike Lost), I’m going to write up the characters in alphabetical order and leave Jack Shephard for last.

[Editor’s note: this breakdown is getting larger than my last outbreak of hemorrhoids. Expect multiple posts]

[Cue opening Lost music]

Unfortunately, Evangeline Lilly wasn't wearing this outfit when I met her

Kate Austen – I actually “met” Evangeline Lilly several months ago when she picked up an order at the bookstore I was working at. Of course I wasn’t watching Lost back then so I didn’t recognize her as anything more than a short, cute brunette with huge sunglasses. However, my co-workers knew her and so while they chatted I just stood nearby and smiled and vaguely nodded whenever she said something. But enough of my eye-banging Lost cast members.

In the first season Kate was one of the strongest, take-charge characters and provided a nice balance to the otherwise testosterone-laden Lost cast. I’m no Susan B. Anthony, but I’m very disappointed Kate’s character has slowly morphed over the course of seasons 2 & 3 into a generally helpless piece of eye candy.

None of this should be pegged on Evangeline since she has continued to put in excellent performances by mastering the quivering lip and pained expressions so integral to a (emotionally) tortured girl on the run. I realize that sounds really sarcastic, but I assure you it’s not. However, I do question the writers’ decision to take the most established and “resourceful” female lead and make her 1) Get caught and beaten down so often and 2) resort to clich├ęd angry sex to fill the emotional void in her life. But I guess hot girls like Kate have needs even if the sensitive doctors they pine for are too blind to satisfy them. Can you guess who I want her to end up with?

I knew about Season 3’s flash-forward even before watching the final episode so some of the drama was lost (heh, heh) on me. I still really like this direction and it adds a totally new wrinkle to the show that should make for some interesting story developments.

The flash-forward shows that Kate makes it off the island, but since we don’t know exactly when the flash-forward takes place there’s still a ton of room to theorize. I’ll discuss this more with other characters, but any thoughts on who “he” is that Kate says she has to get back to? The automatic answer might be Sawyer but their current relationship doesn’t really account for the fear (?) or apprehension in her voice when she says this to Jack. Still, because the time frame for the segment is so unclear, virtually any number of events could take place to make any number of characters fit into that reference. In conclusion, I don’t have an effing clue.

Biggest Questions: Who is the “he” Kate is shacked up with in the flash-forward? Does she ever find true love? Is she preggers? (I don’t think so.)

For a chuckle, check out Evangeline peddle a singles hotline in her pre-deserted island days.

Evangeline Lilly Dating Commercial



Hold me back before I kick her face in

Juliet Burke – God I hate her stupid smirk. It looked sexy on Gillian Anderson but I want to send a running knee into her face every time I see Juliet’s lips curve into that damn annoying Ellen Pompeo smile.

Her smirk aside, I actually think Juliet is one of the more intriguing major characters in Season 3. She’s the perfect “wild card” since her back story shows a very powerful drive to get back to her supposedly alive sister (which I believe) and yet we still don’t have the entire reason why she’s still on the island, which makes her complicity with Ben Linus somewhat more believable. I just wish she would stop switching sides – and wipe that stupid look off her face.

Biggest Questions: What did Ben Linus do to make her so “loyal” before she “betrayed” him? Has she truly betrayed Ben Linus? And how the hell did she turn from a meek researcher into a kung-fu warrior?

"We make incest now?"

Boone Carlyle – I have to agree with the decision to kill off Boone. Sure, he looked good naked (I assume) and he had that weird incestuous thing going on with Shannon, but he didn’t bring much else to the table. Even though I agreed with the concept of his death, I didn’t like the way it was carried out since it felt almost arbitrary.

I’ve read theories that say Boone’s death caused Locke to bang on the hatch and therefore save Desmond’s life which ultimately led to the “Losties” entering the hatch, entering the numbers, and then blowing up the hatch, and thereby saving the world. True. But Locke could have also tripped and fallen on the hatch while pooping in the jungle and the effect would have been the same so once again, I say that Boone’s death was poorly executed, pun intended.

Even Boone’s backstory, which naturally was intertwined with Shannon’s, felt separate and insulated from the rest of the “Losties.” I hope something incredibly relevant about Boone and the island shows up in another flashback/forward or else his character was merely one big plot device that wasted a bunch of air time that could have been used showing Kate skinny dipping in that pool filled with dead bodies.

Biggest Questions: Was Boone a complete waste of time?

[More to come]

1.14.2008

Bring it on Lost

I finished watching the first three seasons of Lost as of last night. Wow. Wow. Wow.

I've been busily reading up on fan theories to see what other people predict for Season 4 and I plan to write up a lot of my own thoughts on what's happened so far and what I expect to see in the future. But first I have a couple more applications to finish.

Don't you hate it when planning for your future gets in the way of the really important stuff like theorizing about a television show?

Do Kate and Jack return to the Island? Who cares?!? I want to know about the four-toed broken statue