Top Five

What are your Top Five favorite songs? Most people probably have difficulty answering this question (I know I do). But if you've ever seen High Fidelity starring John Cusack and Jack Black as music nuts, then you probably remember how their characters are constantly listing their "Top Five" music selections.

It seems to me that stating your Top Five (in music, movies, books, underwear brands, etc.) reflects your preferences, likes, implied dislikes, and presents some kind of vague outline of what type of person you are. But answering a question like that can be really, really hard so I think it's much more practical to ask about the Last Five.

The Last Five would be the most recent things you've seen, heard, listened to, eaten, licked, farted, etc. So instead of asking, "What are your Top Five favorite songs?" you'd instead ask, "What are the Last Five songs you've heard?" Much more manageable.

So what are my last five songs I've heard.
-Lady Madonna - The Beatles
-Nubes - Caifanes (some latino group I don't know anything about)
-The Stars are Projectors - Modest Mouse
-Sorrow - Yuki Kajiura (from the anime, Noir)
-Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' - Michael Jackson

So what does this say about me? Let's break it down.

-Lady Madonna - This song says that I'm into the oldies. I'm able to see past the current trends and stick with old favorites from previous generations. Also, I probably like older women.

-Nubes - Caifanes - This mellow mexican song implies that I like to speak Spanish and I have several tattoos. I am also romantic and will try to steal your woman when you aren't looking.

-The Stars are Projectors - I'm somewhat tortured and have a dark past that will make me very attractive to women who want to help me. Also, I have a mysterious odor about me that smells like pain and cheese.

-Sorrow - I watch cartoons. This reveals how I live at home with my parents. Moving on.

-Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' - This song shows my interest in Michael Jackson. I like pop, obviously, but this song also shows that I'm not afraid of being sexually abused. I think.

Next time you open up your iPod, iTunes, or generic MP3 player, check out what the last five songs you listend to and figure out what it says about you. Or you can send your last five list to me and I'll tell you what they say about you. Hilarity will ensue, I promise.


Attack of the Poo Monster

Is there anything more frustrating/disgusting than a clogged toilet? This morning I spent nearly twenty minutes attempting to flush my bodily excesses down the tubes. As I write this, they continue to quietly mock me.
Unfortunately, this isn't the first time this has happened. Way back when I was about twelve I spent the night at a friend's house. I happily did my business and turned around to flush it down. To my horror, the toilet did not flush. Oh no, it did not flush. My friend later claimed it was the largest poo he ever saw. I couldn't look my friend's mom in the eye for at least a week.

Fast forward about ten years. I was at a friend's dorm party when I answered the call of the wild. Except there was no toilet paper, only paper towels, which some of you may know is a certain path to toilet cloggetry. I did indeed take that toilet to Cloggsville and spent the following half hour dumping overflow into the tub like a sailor on a sinking ship. I had to pull a MacGuyver in there to avoid a complete disaster and turned the rug into a doorstopper while the trash can became an emergancy bucket. I eventually contained the fallout, but nobody ever truly defeats a pluggled toilet.

Remember, flushing is like voting. Do it early and often.