Box Office Roundup 10/12/07

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Just last week I could see any new release I wanted but now that I'm in New York I honestly wonder if I'll ever visit a theater again. Movies just aren't ironic enough to be "cool" here in the Big Apple. Not being cool never stopped me from scratching myself in public but it might make it difficult for me to find fellow movie-goers because if there's anything I need more than peanut M&Ms at a theater it's somebody to witness my totally accurate predictions of who the killer is after only watching the first fifteen minutes.

Who knows when I'll walk these wonderful, filthy aisles again

Since I don't know the next time I'll make it out to a theater, I'm going to steal some inspiration from Fletch at The Blog Cabins and give my impressions of the current Top Ten. Keep in mind that, like everything else on The Spoon, these impressions are wildly biased and highly dependent upon my current mood (gaseous).

1) Why Did I Get Married?
Apparently Tyler Perry has carved a niche out of portraying genuine characters caught up in real life drama, all while dressed as a large black woman. Why Did I Get Married scraps the fat suit but keeps the drama. I have absolutely no interest in this film.

2) The Game Plan
If The Rock is going to make a "comedy" why can't it be more like The Rundown? The guy is charismatic, dynamic, and actually funny and yet he insists on wasting his talent on bland kiddie flicks. Isn't that Vin Diesel's job?

3) We Own the Night
I'm automatically interested in any moving starring Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Wahlburg is quickly becoming a distinguished actor. But I'd rather watch The Departed before I get to We Own the Night.

4) Michael Clayton
I foolishly read a spoiler about this movie before I could stop myself. Even knowing crucial plot points I'm going to try and see Michael Clayton anyway. George Clooney is probably the most watchable actor in movies today.

5) The Heartbreak Kid

6) Elizabeth: The Golden Age
My knowledge of history is just good enough to spoil the plot for me. I blame my senior history teacher but I can't even remember her name. How sad is that?

7) The Kingdom
Wham, bam, thank you Islam. High energy and heavy weaponry stand out in this tense clash of cultures. It's plays more for the mood than for any kind of revelation but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Not for the squeamish.

8) Across the Universe
I've heard mixed things about Across. On the one hand, it's been called superficial, heavy handed, and obvious. On the other hand, if you don't like The Beatles than the terrorists have already won.

9) Resident Evil: Extinction
Pure popcorn fun. Read my quick review here.

10) The Seeker: The Dark is Rising
I've found the Harry Potter movies adequately entertaining. This movie looks like it wants to be Harry Potter but on a $20 budget. Seriously, the special effects look terrible and the acting looks even worse. If I want to see a magical children's tale that's cool enough for me to watch, I'll wait for The Golden Compass, thank you.

Since I can't go see the movies, I charge you all to watch them for me. Report back as soon as you can.


Fletch said...

Wow, an absolutely brilliant post, and I'm not even biased in the slightest!

But seriously, I do agree (as usual) with much of your musings. Michael Clayton was good and you ought to see it despite any spoilers you might have heard (there's not a ton to spoil anyway; it's pretty straightforward).

Yea, The Rock. He wants to be taken seriously, so I think he is avoiding action. Meh. Dude, you're never gonna be Olivier (no offense) - I'm not asking you to sell out, but go with your strenghts.

STILL need to see the first Elizabeth. Then I'll see the second.

Joaquin is getting great, and I've even heard decent things, but I have NO interest in We Own the Night. Bob Duvall makes movies worse in my opinion, even though he's good. Go figure.

That's it - I'm coming to NY just so you can go to the movies...

Matt said...

fletch - thanks. Actually you've convinced me that I really do want comments back on my New York site so I'm moving it back to Blogger. It should be up in a little bit.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

Across the Universe is about the only movie lately that I've wanted to go see, then when it came out not only is is not playing locally but I've heard it's crap. Maybe I should just save my money and fly to Vegas to see the "Love" show.

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online cinema said...

Thanks for review..I heard lot about this film but never got any chance of watching it. I am very curious about this movie..I hope that I will watch it very soon..