Happy Thanksgiving from The Spoon!

Everyone at The Spoon would like to wish you all a safe, happy, and wonderful Thanksgiving! Even if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving you can still take a moment to acknowledge all the super swell things in your life like the relief you feel after a massive potty deposit or the satisfaction of telling people the truth about the U.S. moon landing and the Holocaust.

Have a Happy Turkey Day!

The moon landing photo "The Man" wants you to see

The true sequence of events is too horrible to truly understand. Conspiracy theorists are still trying to explain what symbolic meaning Joan Rivers' decapitated head holds for the Klingons

My Mom's Review of Beowulf

My mom says, "Animated like Shrek but weirder. Like a strange fairy tale."

Like Shrek but not

No TV? No problem!

The internets is now accessible in my apartment! I still don't have cable and I learned the hard way that Time Warner won't give you a cable box until you actually have a television (who knew?) but man oh man is it nice to scroll through sports news, humor sites, [your site name here], and television shows.

Yup, even television shows!

I've missed this face

My brother showed me how to access some of my favorite shows directly from my computah. Several sites offer download-able versions of television shows and movies but in the interest of not going to jail I won't link to anything here.

Another good viewing option is to go directly to the source and check out NBC.com. Entire episodes of my favorite shows, like 30 Rock and The Office, are available with only a few commercials mixed in. I've even had a chance to catch up on Chuck, which has recaptured my attention after a couple slower episodes. I know relationship dramas are done to death, but what will happen with Chuck and Summer (err, Lou)?

Now I see why all those writers are pissed. I'd want a cut of this whole television-internets thing too.

The Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB)

The internets is a frighteningly large place so it's reassuring to find a map to all the movie-related goodness you want to visit. The Large Association of Movie Blogs, or NAMBLA (just kidding, it's actually LAMB), provides info and links to movie blogs much like The Spoon and Blog Cabins (whose creator, Fletch, also made LAMB). I've already checked out a few member sites, like Counting Down the Hours and Shea of the Dead, and can vouch for their quality reviews and accurate depictions of Bigfoot.

Confuse NAMBLA and LAMB at your own peril

If you have your own movie blog, I encourage you to to stop by LAMB and sign up. Finally, a way to join the cool kids without having to do drugs or kill a homeless man.

Super Mario Bros. + Electricity = Awesome

Don't ask me how they do it (Tesla coils are involved if you really want to know), but these two guys perform the Super Mario Bros. theme song off their homemade coiled contraption. Something tells me the encore will involve an unsuspecting friend and burnt testicles.

Old Movies are New to Me

Thanks to the mystical powers of computahs and the internets I’ve been able to stave off complete movie deprivation by viewing compressed video files over the past few weeks. If the government asks, they’re all backups to my $30,000 movie collection.

Smokin’ Aces
Big name performers collide in this stylish action movie that never quite achieves the kinetic frenzy it so desperately strives for. Jeremy Piven struts and hollers in his usual arrogant jerk persona but without any true humility it’s hard to sympathize with his character. Everyone from Ben Affleck, to Ryan Reynolds, to Alicia Keyes, to Andy Garcia wants Piven dead or locked up in jail. The plot is laughable but still kind of cool.

My Rating: 5/10

Chinatown
Back in 1974, Jack Nicholson was slim, handsome, and perfectly cast as a 1930s hard-nosed private eye caught up in an L.A. water supply conspiracy. Part crime procedural and part drama, this is one of those movies constantly referred to as film noir done right. Chinatown isn’t fast paced but Roman Polanski’s infamous directorial methods have produced a beautiful, dark gem of a movie.

My Rating: 9/10

Big Trouble in Little China
Compared to Chinatown, Big Trouble is on the opposite end of the genre spectrum. Pure 80s cheese reigns supreme in this campy, campy, action/comedy film. The acting seems almost purposefully bad, but that adds to the charm of the zany adventures of a truck driver’s (Kurt Russell) attempts to save young women from the black-magic wielding ghost that rules San Francisco’s Chinatown.

My Rating: 5/10

Black Hawk Down
Military anarchy and heroism take center stage amidst the U.S.’s contested involvement in Somalia in 1993. A planned military mission goes horribly awry and leaves over a hundred American soldiers in heated firefights. Young children should not watch Black Hawk Down but I heartily recommend this movie for adults. The violence can be extreme but however you interpret Ridley Scott’s message, his film is not one you will soon forget.

My Rating: 8/10

Munich
Controversial for its portrayal of the vicious feud between Israelis and Palestinians following the murder of eleven Israeli athletes at the hands of a Palestinian terrorist group during the 1972 Olympic Games. Munich delves beyond the Mossad’s spy games to show an agent’s (Eric Bana) – and by extension a nation’s – loss of innocence. The pacing may have been slightly off on this film, as it occasionally meanders, but on the whole it has the excellent composition and verve you expect from a Steven Spielberg production.

My Rating: 8/10

Box Office Preview

Since I’m stuck in the library instead of the movie theater, I once again resort to stealing Blog
Cabin's box office preview schtick. I blame the $50 New York ticket prices and my inability to grasp simple algebra.

1. Saw IV
I will not watch Saw IV because I never watch horror movies in the theater if I can help it. When I was a young whippersnapper I saw The Exorcist on television and I actually laughed at Linda Blair’s spinning head as my mommy fed me sandwiches and candy. Later in college I saw The Exorcist in a large, near empty theater on Halloween and I didn’t sleep right for a week. Even the Blair Witch Project screwed me up, but my excuse is that my friends convinced me everything about that movie was real. I know Saw IV isn’t real but I also like to sleep so no way in hell am I going to see this one.

Judging by her orthodontia, Linda Blaire's inner demon is British

2. Dan in Real Life
Steve Carell has branded himself as a goofy, loveable loser but with Dan in Real Life it looks like he’s approaching a saccharine saturation point that his career might never recover from. I’m a devoted fan of The Office and I wish Steve would make full use of his comedic talents and leave the romantic comedies to Hugh Grant.

3. 30 Days of Night
I’ve wanted to see this movie for a while, and I still might if I ever find a dollar theater in New York. I certainly don’t expect anything very deep from 30 Days although Josh Hartnett is an adequately charismatic lead actor. Somehow the guy’s only 28 yet it feels like he’s been a young hunk type of actor for at least ten years. (Oh wait, I’m right. Hartnett was in The Faculty back in ’98.)

The Rock and SWS are magic together. Dirty, sweaty magic.

4. The Game Plan
I’m not mad at The Rock for selling out with this Disney kiddie flick. I’m mad at The Rock for making this movie instead of a sequel to The Rundown. Mock me all you want but Sean William Scott and The Rock are magic together.

I'm not ashamed to say I watched Highlander. Best television theme song ever.

5. Why Did I Get Married?
I get the impression that Tyler Perry wants to be the male Oprah. He should know there can be only one… Oprah.

6. Michael Clayton
Have you ever seen George Clooney play a stupid, ineffective character? Me neither. Clayton is on my “To Watch” list.

7. Gone Baby Gone
It’s easy to forget that Ben Affleck was a talented writer (Good Will Hunting) before he became an overexposed, mediocre actor. By all accounts he’s also a talented director and his little brother Casey is equally good in Gone Baby Gone’s lead role. Add this one to my “To Watch” list.

8. The Nightmare Before Christmas
I saw Nightmare when it first came out in 1993, but it didn’t leave a strong impression on me. One viewing was enough, thank you.

9. We Own the Night
Gross earnings of 25 million are pretty awful for a film with heavy hitters like Joaquin Phoenix, Eva Mendes, Mark Wahlberg and Robert Duvall. That still isn’t going to make me watch it though. I’ll wait for the DVD.

10. The Comebacks
I’ve been dreading this movie since I saw its first preview. It’s basically taking the parody formula of Scary Movie and Not Another Teen Movie and then crapping on it. Those two films (at least the first installment in the Scary Movie franchise) put some creative spins on some tired genre clichés, but from what I’ve seen and heard, The Comebacks sinks to the lowest common denominator and fails to bring anything new to the parody genre. That being said, the movie could be awesome and the 2.3 IMDB rating is just a fluke. But I doubt it.

What are you guys looking forward to watching?

My Mom's Review of Michael Clayton

My mom says, "I liked it and George Clooney did a good job."

He did a good job.

She isn't my mom for nothing, folks.

Quick Movie Review: No Way Out

I'd like to see this movie remade with the cast of The Naked Gun and O.J. in Kevin Costner's role. It'd be hilaaaarious.

I took a moment out of my busy schedule of getting stood up for apartments to catch Kevin Costner in No Way Out. This little film of deceit, murder, and scandal has immediately won a place on my list of "must-watch television movies."

Kevin Costner is Lieutenant Commander Tom Farrall, a rising officer in the US Navy. He returns home after a mission to see his on-again-off-again girlfriend (Sean Young before the Catwoman debacle) and discovers that she's been "entertaining" the Secretary of Defense (played by Gene Hackman). Naturally Farrall isn't too happy with the arrangement, but since he loves his girlfriend he puts up with her infidelities.

When Sean Young turns up dead, Farrall is all but certain the Secretary is behind it. An investigation begins into Sean Young's death and it quickly balloons into an elaborate charade of misdirection and cold war boogeymen. Farrall is ordered to head the investigation but it's soon obvious that all the evidence points to him because of his secret relationship with Sean Young. The steady pace picks up during the final hour and a half and culminates in a dramatic flourish that is equally surprising and satisfying.

I've said in the past that any movie with Gene Hackman is going to be pretty good and No Way Out is in no way an exception. You could also say that nobody plays Kevin Costner better than Kevin Costner and in this movie that actually works ok. Will Patton (The Postman) is Gene Hackman's assistant and his performance is a testament to his unparalleled ability to play deranged men of authority.

Mmm, write Reviews for Money?

No, I haven't forgotten about you guys. I've been a little busy with work, apartment hunting, avoiding bum smells and what have you, but now I need your advice.

Chicks dig Pulitzers. And scars.

You see, I've got a few servings of hot, steamy busy-ness on my plate already, but I recently saw an ad on craigslist for movie reviewers for a very small weekly publication. They're hiring people to review new releases and offering to reimburse movie fees as compensation. So basically the work is for free, but I would get my name on something homeless people live in so in a way I'd be contributing to New York's civil infrastructure. Also, I think I might do it just to say I'm a professional and not be talking about male prostitution.

What do you guys think?

Good News, Bad News

Good News: I saw Across the Universe and The Darjeeling Limited.

Bad News: I've been too busy (ie: fun NY drama) to write about them. I will say this: surprisingly, I may have enjoyed Across the Universe more than Darjeeling Limited and I never would have guessed that.

Did you know Salma Hayek is in Across the Universe? Now you do.

My Mom's Review of Good Luck Chuck

I'd like to introduce a new segment called "My Mom's Review of..." In this segment my mom will review an entire movie in ten words or less.

This isn't my mom, but she's a big fan of Salma's work

Her first review is for Good Luck Chuck.

My mom says,

It was funny and I liked it. Don't take family.

Excellent work, mom.

My New York Site has Moved

Will blog for food

Just like me, my personal New York blog is an itinerant indigent.

You can now find it Here.

Box Office Roundup 10/12/07

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Just last week I could see any new release I wanted but now that I'm in New York I honestly wonder if I'll ever visit a theater again. Movies just aren't ironic enough to be "cool" here in the Big Apple. Not being cool never stopped me from scratching myself in public but it might make it difficult for me to find fellow movie-goers because if there's anything I need more than peanut M&Ms at a theater it's somebody to witness my totally accurate predictions of who the killer is after only watching the first fifteen minutes.

Who knows when I'll walk these wonderful, filthy aisles again

Since I don't know the next time I'll make it out to a theater, I'm going to steal some inspiration from Fletch at The Blog Cabins and give my impressions of the current Top Ten. Keep in mind that, like everything else on The Spoon, these impressions are wildly biased and highly dependent upon my current mood (gaseous).

1) Why Did I Get Married?
Apparently Tyler Perry has carved a niche out of portraying genuine characters caught up in real life drama, all while dressed as a large black woman. Why Did I Get Married scraps the fat suit but keeps the drama. I have absolutely no interest in this film.

2) The Game Plan
If The Rock is going to make a "comedy" why can't it be more like The Rundown? The guy is charismatic, dynamic, and actually funny and yet he insists on wasting his talent on bland kiddie flicks. Isn't that Vin Diesel's job?

3) We Own the Night
I'm automatically interested in any moving starring Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Wahlburg is quickly becoming a distinguished actor. But I'd rather watch The Departed before I get to We Own the Night.

4) Michael Clayton
I foolishly read a spoiler about this movie before I could stop myself. Even knowing crucial plot points I'm going to try and see Michael Clayton anyway. George Clooney is probably the most watchable actor in movies today.

5) The Heartbreak Kid
Rental.

6) Elizabeth: The Golden Age
My knowledge of history is just good enough to spoil the plot for me. I blame my senior history teacher but I can't even remember her name. How sad is that?

7) The Kingdom
Wham, bam, thank you Islam. High energy and heavy weaponry stand out in this tense clash of cultures. It's plays more for the mood than for any kind of revelation but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Not for the squeamish.

8) Across the Universe
I've heard mixed things about Across. On the one hand, it's been called superficial, heavy handed, and obvious. On the other hand, if you don't like The Beatles than the terrorists have already won.

9) Resident Evil: Extinction
Pure popcorn fun. Read my quick review here.

10) The Seeker: The Dark is Rising
I've found the Harry Potter movies adequately entertaining. This movie looks like it wants to be Harry Potter but on a $20 budget. Seriously, the special effects look terrible and the acting looks even worse. If I want to see a magical children's tale that's cool enough for me to watch, I'll wait for The Golden Compass, thank you.

Since I can't go see the movies, I charge you all to watch them for me. Report back as soon as you can.

Fun Videos

Sometimes when you're feeling a little sick and a little run down all you need is a good video about simulated masturbation at the office. Not exactly kid appropriate.



And just for kicks here's another fun recreation of Ok Go's music video for a high school talent show. This video came out a while back but it's new to me.

My New York Site is Up and Running

I hereby present My New York Times.

Thanks for everyone's name suggestions but I decided to just go with whatever came out of my gut. I also decided to try something new with my New York Diary, or "man-diary" as I call it, by hosting it on Tumblr.

I'm still learning how to work with Tumblr but it looks like it won't allow comments. That might be just as well for now, though if you really want to say something you can comment here or email me because I love getting email that doesn't promise to increase the size of my wallet with get-rich-quick schemes. I bet you thought I was going to say penis there, you horny bastards.

I wish I could say that I'll keep up my daily movie related postings here at The Spoon, but I'll probably have to slow down as I deal with my other priorities. Now you're wondering what my priorities are but you'll have to wander over to My New York Times to find out.

New York City Welcomes The Spoon

Twenty four hours have passed since I lurched off the airplane and simultaneously hugged and kissed the ground (my flight wasn't very bumpy; I just love the ground). In that time I've already witnessed some remarkable events and most of them have made me very happy to call New York City my new home.

Here are some highlights:

-Heard five different languages during a five minute subway ride: English, Spanish, Hebrew, Japanese, Ebonics

-Scraggly homeless man asked ME for weed (I felt so honored)

-Got sick (not that great but impossible to ignore)

-Witnessed bagpipe player serenading subway commuters

-Got pissed on by nature (no doubt one of the contributing factors to my sickness)

-Saw a large number of very attractive girls that I can begin relationships with in my mind

If anybody is worried that I've veered off from my movie focus, I can assure you (them? my head hurts, cut me some slack) that my new New York blog will be up and running soon to contain all my NY stories, opinions, etc. (once I finish some interviews tomorrow and feel better).

Any good ideas for the name of my New York blog? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller? Beuller? Beuller?

Mission Accomplished!

The Eagle has landed. I desperately hope the Eagle is not getting a cold.

Moving Update

The Spoon might be a little quiet over the next few days so I'd like to take this moment to prepare you for my temporary absence, as I finish getting my crap together for my upcoming move to New York. The reality of my move is starting to hit me, as is my growing need to pack. All of this means I'll be a little preoccupied over the next few days and likely won't have any new posts until the end of the week. Although if everything goes according to plan, I'll be relaxing in Brooklyn come Wednesday evening.

Thanks again to everyone who's offered support or anyone who's thought about offering support but is too much of a lurker to actually say anything. You guys have been instrumental in helping me get my butt in gear and onto the next phase of my career and life.

Speaking of which, my career path just became a little bit clearer in the last couple of days. I had already decided to seek out internships at magazines and online publications to better spread my opinions into the unsuspecting public but yesterday I had an epiphany: Wouldn't I be better prepared to spread my opinions if I actually got educated first? I figure the answer is yes. So I'll be applying for journalism graduate programs in addition to writing internships.

Let me tell you, I'm pretty thick in the head for not seeing this sooner. Journalism isn't just about reporting labor strikes and stock prices anymore and several programs, including NYU's Journalism department, focus on "arts, fashion, leisure, sports, entertainment, ideas, and literature..." Boy oh boy is that right up my alley. And with contacts from NYU (or another program) I'll have all the necessary tools to share my crap far and wide.

In summary, my new plan of attack is to get to New York, find a new place for myself, my brother, and our roommate, get a magazine internship, take the GREs, complete the necessary journalism graduate school applications (before the December/January deadlines), and then get into as many of them as I can. Easy as pie.

I'm also considering starting yet another blog (yes, I know you're already sick of me but I might do it anyway) about my new experiences in New York. I'm hoping the posts on this hypothetical blog won't be about my first mugging or how I got felt up by a homeless man on the subway, but only time will tell.

Take care everyone and I'll see you all on the other side.

Movie Reaction: In the Shadow of the Moon

It’s been almost forty years since Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon and into history. During that time, NASA’s achievements have become the stuff of legends, and, now, they are in danger of being forgotten. Young boys and girls still learn names like Buzz Aldrin and dates like July 21, 1969, but America’s space program has become an old man; a grandfather who is loved and revered but rarely listened to. The documentary In the Shadow of the Moon attempts to bring the stories, achievements, and, most importantly, the lessons of the Apollo space program back into the national discussion. I strongly suggest everybody listen.

Mainly told through a collection of astronaut interviews and original NASA video footage, the message of In the Shadow is simple at its heart but universal in its meaning: through total commitment and sacrifice our nation achieved the impossible and all of mankind was united for one fleeting moment in history.

Astronauts like Mike Collins, Alan Bean, and Gus Grissom sacrificed everything, and in some cases even their lives, to touch the heavens. They did this knowing full well the risks they faced and in return their success was rewarded with a near mythic status. In the Shadow pulls back the protective helmets to reveal just how human these astronauts really were and what their extraordinary achievements actually meant to them.

The astronauts’ words are sometimes humorous, sometimes sad, and almost always touching, but all of them are infused with the wisdom of a lifetime’s worth of reflection and every one of their stories recalls moments of clarity and comprehension. Each man, after experiencing the vastness of space firsthand, came to see Earth as a wellspring of hope and opportunity, a Garden of Eden. If mankind could put somebody on the moon, can’t anything be accomplished with enough commitment and sacrifice?

Times have changed since 1969 but the lessons of the Apollo space program are as relevant today as they were when Neil Armstrong first smudged the moon’s surface. The Space Race was a symbolic competition between nations but its end result crystallized the bonds between all mankind. Once it’s possible to see that the heroes of NASA are as human as anybody else, then it’s possible to see that their unifying achievements are just as reachable today as they were nearly forty years ago.

Maybe I’m being an idealist but that is a message I’ll never tire of hearing.