Hot Movie Awards

I saw a few movies over the past couple months. None of them knocked my socks off which was probably a good thing for the rest of the audience - my feet are silent but deadly. Anyhoo, in the spirit of summer I’ll give every movie a deserving award.

Drumroll please...

Winner of the “Movie that most weirds me out based on the fact that the central character spews an inordinate amount of goo without the aid of supplements or donkey hormones” award.

Spiderman 3

Winner of the “Movie that makes me question my own masculinity the most” award. (Obviously I need to work on my six-pack and ability to draw blood with verbal barbs)


Winner of the “Movie that makes me want to be the fifth member of the Fantastic Four and have daily access to the Invisible Woman’s under thingies” award.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Winner of the “Movie that most needs some good Mormon comic relief” award. (Those guys are hilarious)

Evan Almighty

Winner of the “Best Ocean’s 11 Movie not titled ‘Ocean’s 12'" award. (God that movie sucked)

Ocean’s Thirteen

Winner of the “Movie with the most attractive leads with the worst hygiene” award.

Pirates of the Caribbean 3

Winner of the “Movie that is most likely to inspire penguin bestiality” award. (I like that Zooey Deschanel. A lot.)

Surf’s Up

Winner of the “Hottest Ogre on Ogre action” award.

Shrek the Third