As a bookstore
-J.K. Rowling wanted to vote for Bush but couldn't because she had already quit being an American
-Harry Potter's character is based on Hitler
-(to girls) harry hates quidditch but continues to play solely for the communal after game showers
-(to boys) Hermoine is a lesbian
-(to everyone) who here likes to party?
-in the last book, Harry and Rupert partake in the forbidden secrets of "the power of love"
-everyone can perform magic like Harry if they really want to. All you need is hope and crystal meth
I invite you to share your own messages to these impressionable, Potter-loving children in the comments section.