11.06.2006

Lock the doors and turn on the lights cause it’s gettin' all creepy up in here
5 Creepy Movie Moments

As I lay in bed last night waiting for sweet, sweet slumber to overtake me, rotting zombies burst into my room to tear off my tender and juicy flesh. Fortunately, my quick reflexes shot me out of bed and in front of the light switch just in time to realize that I was crazy and hallucinating.

I wish I could say this was a one-time event, but my bad dreams and hallucinations are happening more and more frequently. And it’s all part of a vicious cycle because once awake, my crazy little brain can’t stop thinking about other creepy visions. The only way I was able to sleep last night was by rubbing my Buddha and Steve Young statues for reassurance and playing video games until I passed out. But today I’m going to exorcise my demons by listing some of the creepiest moments in movies (and no, I can't explain why this helps). As in life, creepiness is most potent when it’s not expected, so I’m choosing moments that aren’t from true horror films (like The Exorcist or The Shining).

If you’re a fraidy cat like me I don’t suggest reading this list in the dark, but if you do want to get freaked out, I recommend watching these movies locked in a dark room with a convicted mental patient/murderer.

Mulholland Dr.
Like many David Lynch flicks, this whole movie reeks of the “creepy.” I’m still not certain if I understand what actually happens, but Mulholland Dr. is chock full of moments that paralyzed my body with dread, anxiousness, and :-0. In fact, I can’t settle on a single moment from this movie so I’m picking two scenes that weird-ed me out. The first creepy scene is when the waitress (played by Naomi Watts) investigates the alley behind her restaurant. It sounds innocent enough, but it’s not. The music, timing, and acting make it scary as hell and fearsome beyond my descriptive abilities. The second moment is when the leads (Naomi Watts and Laura Harring) investigate a dead body. I dare you to watch it without wearing Depends.It’s been long enough since I’ve seen this movie that many of the details escape me, but the creepiness factor remains as strong as ever.

Could you please pass the popcorn?
Donnie Darko
I can’t look at Jake Gyllenhaal without thinking of this movie (or Bubble Boy for that matter). Donnie is less creepy overall than Mulholland Dr., but whenever Frank the Rabbit gets on the screen I’m ready to change my boxers. Lots of movies use innocence in the face of terror to mess with your head (like The Others, Signs, The Exorcist), but taking a bunny and making it so freaking horrifying that it haunts your dreams – that’s brilliant. I should add that Frank the Bunny has made more than one appearance in my nightmares, stupid fricking rabbit.

I need a hug... and maybe a Long Island Iced Tea
The Sixth Sense
Dead people are creepy, yes, but that’s not the reason I’m including The Sixth Sense in my list. My scary radar shot up in that one scene where Haley Joel Osmont (in his pre-drunkard days) is at a birthday party and hears a dead guy calling to him. As he slowly makes his way up the stairs to the dead guy (anticipation growing with each step), the voice grows louder and angrier. By the time Haley gets outside of the room with the voice, the dead guy is loud and disturbing in the worst possible way. That’s when a couple evil children grab Haley and lock him in the room. I guess I’d start drinking too if that happened to me.

Thriller
Laugh if you want, but the Thriller video is more than a little spooky. Even though I really like the music and even the dancing, it’s MJ himself that’s the creep in question. If you recall the ending, the evil MJ-zombie is right about to get the girl when she wakes up and the almost-human version (the African American to Caucasian morph is only partway finished) is there instead. Then the almost-human MJ turns to the camera and his evil, yellow cat eyes send voodoo darts straight directly at you. That’s freaky as hell and the freeze frame on his face prolongs the heebeejeebie attack. Damn you MJ. Damn you and your fake nose and your freaky cat-eyes.



Blair Witch Project
You could argue that the Blair Witch Project was a true horror film and therefore doesn’t belong on this list. My counter argument is that my friends used a successful campaign of lies and deceit to trick me into believing this movie was real-life recovered footage and not actually a movie at all. I believed everthing was real, straight up to the horrifying finale. To this day I don’t understand what happened in that final scene where the girl rushes into the room and sees the dude staring blankly in the corner before they both "die." If you know what happened or have a theory, please post it, because not knowing is putting a crimp in my soiled jockeys.

There’s my list and I invite you to share any movie moments that creep you out. Maybe the sharing will be cathartic and maybe not, but at the very least somebody will have an excellent list of scary movies to watch. In the meantime I think I’ll go rub my Buddha and Steve Young statues.

14 comments:

Steven Novak said...

"Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"

LOVE Darko!

Steve~

Sadie said...

Of those, I have seen only the Sixth Sense, Thriller, and Blair Witch.

I avoid creepy movies because I can't stop thinking about them. I saw "Fall of the House of Usher" in 2nd grade and for years (Years!) wouldn't walk past my bed in the dark b/c of the scary dead lady that might be under there to grab my ankles.

Seriously.

Reel Fanatic said...

Though it took me five times watching it before I finally got it, I now list "Donnie Darko" easily among my favorite flicks .. If I could one instantly creepy moment from the past week, those two way-too-hairy men wrestling near the the end of the extremely funny "Borat" was just thoroughly creepy!

Richard said...

re: mulholland drive

sorry naomi watts did not play a waitress in the film. she played a wannabe actress.

Emma said...

Lynch... shudders.

Matt said...

Steve - You said it. It's good stuff for all.

Sadie - I read Fall back in high school and I didn't think it was all that scary compared to the Red Death and other stories by Poe. But I was also scared of walking near my bed at night - I think it was more because of Little Monsters with Fred Savage.

fanatic - Darko definitely requires multiple viewings to get. I even had to read some analysis to wrap my head around it. And that fight in Borat still haunts me a week later.

Richard - You're right! That movie still confuses the heck out of me and I forgot that while the waitress and Watt's actress character have the same name (creepy!) they're not the same person.... or are they?

Emma - If I ever watch another Lynch movie it'll be with at least five other people and halogen lamps in every room. That guy must be weird in person.

al-jabr said...

spooner-matt: thanks for droppin on in.

i will have to say that Linda Blair in the Exorcist takes the cake for me. "you're gonna die up there" "the sow is mine!" lines like that combined with the split pea special f/x, man. even just seeing that book on my grandpa's shelf sent me running for the hills.

another one: Sissy Spacek, as Carrie, drenched in corn syrup aka Pig's Blood at the prom. During those dark moments at home, alone, I'd picture those scary vengeful blue eyes. augh.

al-jabr said...

9? good god, lemme guess order and round)of draft:

Kobe (duh)
Lamar (2)
Mihm (5)
Smush (5)
Kwame (6)
Luke (7)
Bynum (8)
Vladrad (8)
Kwame (10)

i don't know why i picked vlad over kwame; threes plus the fact that brown is out maybe?

Matt said...

For anyone reading the previous comments, al jabr and I are discussing the fantasy draft order of the Lakers in my basketball league.

Here's the amazing round order:
Rd. Laker Player
1 Kobe Bryant
2 Lamar Odom
6 Vlad Radmanovic
8 Kwame Brown
9 Smush Parker
9 Andrew Bynum
12 Luke Walton
12 Chris Mihm
14 Ronny Turiaf

We drafted on Sunday so a few games were already played. I think Walton was a great pick while Vlad going so high was crazy.

al-jabr said...

yeah, "vlade" as joel meyers (laker play by play guy, RIP chick) calls him, sucks. plus, he needs a cut.

did you get enough managers for your draft? oh yeah, have you seen the Gears of War video game commericial, they use the song from Darko, "Mad World" or somthing like that. It's pretty amazing.

Matt said...

Nope, the demand for fantasy managers remains bullish. I recommend getting in now while the getting is good. P.S. our draft is next weekend so let me know if you're interested.

And you're right, the Gears of War commercial does look impressive, although I'd be more excited if console FPS games didn't give me motion sickness and an overwhelming desire to display my stomach's contents on the floor.

Orhan Kahn said...

I freakin' hated Donnie Darko!

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