American Gigolo was on TV the other night and I couldn’t resist a peek. Two hours later and I was still caught up in gigolo-mania. Yes, the plot was ho-hum and the wardrobe stolen from Cousin Eddie (National Lampoon’s Vacation, anyone?) but Richard Gere oozed enough charm and sex appeal to give even Brad Pitt nightmares. (Plus I like the word gigolo. Gigolo. Giiigolo. Gigooooolo. I could say that all day.)
But as entertaining as American Gigolo was, I still couldn’t completely get into it. My main beef was with Richard Gere’s gigolo arch-nemesis played by Bill Duke. Now Bill Duke is a pretty good actor and an even better villain with his dead fish eyes and infuriating grin. But Bill Duke is no gigolo. You have to be at least moderately sexy and Bill Duke is not a sexy man. He’s a creepy man.
Kevin Spacey – American Beauty proved that Kevin can play an ambiguously oriented man and he was downright heinous in Se7ven. He might not be a real looker, but his pouty lips are underrated. Kevin Spacey would definitely be my first choice to be public gigolo enemy #1.
Daniel Craig – I know Daniel Craig is making a name for himself as the new face of James Bond, but don’t forget what an arrogant bastard 007 is. Now imagine him framing you for a murder you didn’t commit and then rubbing your face in it. Seems like a pretty good villain setup to me and you know he’s got the physical tools to be a real ladies’ man.
Jay Mohr – Going back to Jerry Maguire, Jay Mohr can be a Grade A A-Hole. He’s also got the blonde pretty boy looks to be a legitimate gigolo candidate. With Mohr in the role I’d expect him to be a slightly comedic, befuddled gigolo that reveals himself to be a conniving mastermind near the end of the movie.
Barry Bonds – I was trying to think of a sexy black actor that could be universally reviled and I immediately thought of Mr. Bonds. He may not technically be an actor (except for Rookie of the Year, and Nash Bridges?!?) but his ability to avoid arrest has got to count for something. And I may not be an excellent judge of man-flesh but Barry is still a darn sight sweeter than Bill Duke.
Have any more actors to add to the list?