8.02.2007

BMQ: How did Tara Reid make it into any of her movies?

Stunning reader Sarah recently posed this Burning Movie Question (BMQ):

How did Tara Reid make it into any of her movies?

Excellent question Sarah. Tara Reid, a.k.a. the Bionic Woman, combines the acting ability of a garden hoe with the voice of Sylvia Brown and somehow turns this winning combination into regular “work.”

That is one skanky looking hoe

I’ve stalked her home conducted extensive research and I think I’ve hit onto her secret.

Tara Reid entered a Faustian pact with the devil for fame.

Perhaps this sounds a tad far fetched but stuff like this happens all the time in Hollwood.


Online Videos by Veoh.com
Another example of a Faustian pact

Remember how Goethe’s Faust received power and knowledge in exchange for his soul? Well, the deal went down when Dr. Faust attained the “zenith of human happiness” (from wikipedia). I guess the joke was on Ms. Reid when she hit her personal apex in her second movie, The Big Lebowski, and is now doomed to an eternal limbo filled with horrible, trashy movies that receive just enough publicity to prolong her suffering.

Here’s some evidence that Ms. Tara Reid's career has been given a talon-clawed hand.

1) Personal life marked with tragedy/ridicule

Wardrobe malfunctions. Drunken exhibitions. Star-crossed breast implants. If The Exorcist were remade today with the possessed little girl all grown up, she’d be Tara Reid.

2) Unnatural acting ability

It’s clear to everyone that Tara Reid does not have a very natural acting style. Some might say her acting is downright unnatural. And isn’t unnaturally bad just a synonym for unholy?

3) Career frequently deals with the occult

Return to Salem’s Lot. Urban Legend. Alone in the Dark. Tara's filmography is filled with more supernatural pieces of crap than Stephen King's stool.

Admittedly things look bad for Tara when the entire mess of her life and career are laid out like this but there is a silver lining. At least she's not Rosie O'Donnell. Then she'd really be screwed.

No matter what goes wrong in your life, you can always take comfort in the fact that you're not Rosie O'Donnell

I hope that answered your question Sarah.

And don't forget to keep sending me your Burning Movie Questions.

5 comments:

Diesel said...

I don't know if I've actually seen her in anything but Scrubs. She always seemed like she was acting through a fog.

Sarah said...

Bravo!
That really does sum things up. And a big Amen that none of us are Rosie!
I think she (Tara) doesn't so much act as stumble onto movie sets drunk and hang out until she realizes she isn't at home.

Matt said...

diesel - I never saw her reality show, Taravision, but I think she pretty much always looks like she's in a fog.

sarah - I'll drink to that.

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