10.19.2006

Notable Shower Moments
I do my best to get to the gym on a semi-regular basis (read: whenever I can drag someone else along with me) and try as I might, there are still a few things that make me squirm. Some of them are small peeves, like when a woman hops onto a bike next to you and proceeds to chat on her phone for the next FORTY MINUTES (on second thought, maybe this isn't such a small thing). Also, people who prevent you from using a machine because of their excessively long breaks or fairly short naps. But these are simply things you get used to or so I'm told. One thing I refuse to get used to, however, is seeing a grown man's penis swinging in my direction. Yesterday I took a quick step into the gym locker/shower/bathroom to relieve myself and was immediately confronted with some perky male genitalia. In honor of this bathroom moment I've decided to compile a list of other notable movie moments taking place between multiple people in the shower. Don't ask why, just enjoy.

Maverick butts heads with Iceman

1. Top Gun
If my memory has decided to play nice today, there were actually a couple notable shower scenes in Top Gun. I'm pretty certain that there was a gratuitous Tom Cruise shower scene after the equally gratuitous beach volleyball scene. But the shower moment that stands out to me was when Maverick was talking to Iceman and then turns to the wall, pausing for a good five seconds so the image of his towel-sheathed butt could be forever imprinted in the minds of impressionable boys throughout the land. And in case you were wondering, yes, I am straight.

2. Starship Troopers
The shower scene in Starship Troopers truly reflects the surprise I felt at seeing another man's package. I really don't remember the scene's context, but I think the new army recruits are showering off after some kind of training exercise and then bam - glistening naked boobies pounce onto the screen. These were probably the first on-screen breasts I really remember seeing and they certainly left their mark. Hopefully this one balances out the Tom Cruise butt moment.

Trust me, you don't want to see any more than this

3. Any Given Sunday
Any Given Sunday is one of those movies where I feel like I've seen it all even though I've only watched it piecemeal for like half an hour. I managed to see it's notable shower scene when, in a moment of perfect cosmic timing, I surfed from Comedy Central straight into a large black man's toodley-doo (penis). On a related note, I wonder how you prepare to get naked in a huge production movie like Any Given Sunday. I guess you'd first make sure your underbits get all spiffied up with maybe some lotion or Banaca. Then you'd get the production crew to turn the temperature up and ogle the newspaper's brassiere ads like in There Something About Mary (also starring Cameron Diaz, incidentally).

4. Weird Science
I always enjoyed the television series version more than the movie version. I think it boils down to Vanessa Angel being more likeable and attractive than Kelly LeBrock (also, she was married to Steven Seagal - the baby seal clubber himself! (warning: Family Guy joke)). In the movie version, the young and funny Anthony Michael Hall and "the other guy" (who had some weird mole I didn't like either) took a shower with Kelly. I can understand the anxiety that drove them to remain clothed while she was not, but that doesn't explain why they were practically hugging each other. I guess some things just can't be explained.

5. Half-Baked
I can't believe I almost forgot this legendary movie. Of all the flicks on this list, only Half-Baked is a must watch. It's got stoner humor, great prison humor (is there any other kind?), and let's not forget a small time comedian named Dave Chappelle. Highlights of Half-Baked's shower scene include a dropped soap and a convict by the name of Nasty Nate who sported a "naughty, evil jungle of love (a reference I still use to this day)."

4 comments:

Orhan Kahn said...

Funny post, indeed.

Matt said...

If you think this was funny, you should've seen the naked guy in the shower.

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